Holy Crap!

Hello! Well I was writing a little note to a friend and this is what I wrote for starters...geez a lot is going on in our lives. Mark got the offer on the job for the State, I am going back to school. I am trying to lose weight (having hard time with that one) going camping with Connor this weekend, I am going to have the hysterectomy in August, and our renters might have skipped on us. hmmm is there anything else I might of forgotten? Oh my mom has diabetes not on insulin but probably pretty close to it. YIKESKIS huh? Hope your world is a little less hectic for you. man it's hella crazy here. Oh yeah had a nice Birthday party for Bren and it's not even her birthday yet. It's on Wednesday Wow can't believe she is going to be 7 blows me away. Yeah we are a little busy these days. I just hope to heck our renters haven't jump out on us. That would be the pits. The reason why I think this is we got a notice from the utilities that service will be turned off on the 1st of August. The bill hasn't been paid. I am hoping it's just a mess up with their funds and not that they have jumped ship. Then Mark tells me he is afraid his back ground check for the new job might have some false positives on it. Gosh I hope not hope it comes back clean. He is freaking me out on that one. He just thinks that sometimes records get messed up he doesn't trust that very much. Well I think it will come back just fine. He is thinking the worse case scenario. Mark did say he hope something new doesn't pop up for us right now. He still has to study some time in between all of this. Holy Crap poor guy. Stay calm, relax and breath. As for the camping trip Mark is thinking of going too so that puts another kink into things as well. We were going to let Connor go alone, but he doesn't know anyone up there so we really need to be there with him especially for his first outing with his troop scouts. I am trying to get a battery for my bi-pap machine so I can go really don't want to go without it. I'll see tomorrow about a battery for my bi-pap machine. Darn sleep apnea it's my own fault for putting on this weight, well anti-depressants play some type of problem with my weight too. Anyway it's got me bummed out tonight. I wish I can lose the extra 40 pounds right away, but it's not coming off as fast as I would like it to. I have been making some good changes in my diet such as, no soda, more water, no creamer in my coffee, drinking green tea, walking every morning at 6 am and eating much better. I think what it is that the weight is on my mind all the time so I am stressing about it so it's not coming off. I also feel real hungry lately probably from all that is going on. I am emotional eater I eat when I am stress, happy, sad or angry not good. I sure do want to be around longer for my family so if I keep this weight I am not doing anyone any favors so I must get stronger and lose this weight and have it be like a full-time job. That is what it's going to take. I wish I had the money for a personal trainer that would be good for me. Well in the mean time I am going to stick with weight watchers and do my best with it. On a happier note my hair is coming back and it feels great. Oh and also I get my new breast on Friday can't wait for those I'll feel so much better about myself. They really feel like real breast when they are on and that is just great to have boobs again. I have been using the stuffing and that just doesn't cut it. lol it just falls out and I put it back in like a scare crow putting it's straw back into it's shirt. Can't wait for my boobs. Oh that reminds me another to do list get the implants next year hmmm wonder how I'll fit that in with College? I guess I'll figure it out when the time comes. I am not even sure I'll get the implants yet we'll see. It's a lot to consider so I'll put that on the back burner for now. I am having a nice cup of green tea while I write this taste good. Oh and I am breathing deeply. It's now 2:24 am I should be in bed right now, but just had to say what was on my mind. Thanks for reading my blog. More Later~ net

Dreams

Hello! I am feeling really good today. I went on my walk with my dog Bailey I haven't stopped walking since I got back from vacation every morning. It feels great. It's time for myself because the kids are sleeping and I get to just do a few things for myself in the morning. Like write on my blog, take a shower, write in my journal and pretty soon read in the Bible. Yeah that dream I had about my grams really has stuck in my mind so much. I really truly believe she came to see me in my dream again. She was young full of life and told me to read the Bible more often. She also said take care of myself. I am thinking lose this weight. How can I not listen to my grams right?! I mean geez she comes to me in my dream from Heaven have to listen to her. I love those dreams so much. It was like there were two grams there one was dancing and the other was a messenger telling me to get with it. She was wearing all white pants and a shirt kind of baggy and she had these yellow like gel slippers on it was weird but cool it would be like grams wearing her gold shoes. They are suppose to be white, but she probably talked with God and said she has to wear yellow just to be different...LOL The other grams was in one of her colorful blouses and she was just a dancing up a storm I loved it. It makes me want to go out dancing so I can lose this weight faster. I did lose another pound so that is good just have to weigh in on Wednesday morning. Yep on weight watchers loving it! It's so good for me to be doing something for myself that is positive. I just can't wait until I go to the meetings though. I have to wait until the kids are back into school. They are in school end of August so it won't be long now. I do like having them home love having the break for summer. It will be nice though when I can do my own thing when they are at school. Yeah I am going back to College going to get my certificate as Administration Medical Assistant. I already have the experience, but it would be nice to have the extra knowledge of knowing more in the front office. May even be able to get a job faster with it too. I am excited to go back to school and learn something new and a little scared because of all the studying I have to do too. It's going to take up a lot of my time, but the kids will understand mommy is in College learning something and it might make them want to go to college when they are ready. They see daddy going and well hmmm it could back fire because Mark does study a lot they may not want to go to College...LOL well you never know we are going to encourage them to go that is for sure. I know for sure Connor will he wants to be a scientist and I am going to do my best at full filling his dreams. Brenna says she wants to be a singer, dancer and artist. She might even get into acting as well she is pretty good at it already. My little star~ I am putting her in gymnastics soon she will love it. Connor is going into the cub scouts so excited for him he gets to go on his first camping trip this weekend. I was going to go, but my bi-pap machine doesn't take batteries so no camping for me..rats! I really wanted to go camping too. Once I get this weight off maybe I won't have sleep apnea that would be great. Gosh I wish weight came off faster darn it any how. I'll just keeping it up and do it one pound at a time or more that would be nice. I notice that since I've been getting up early for my walks I have more energy all day long. Oh shoot I have to tell you about the birthday party. Bren's birthday party was a blast. The kids came had a good time and the cake was a huge hit. The rainbow My Little Pony cake. It was a lot of fun to make and I really enjoyed Bren's help with it she is amazing little girl very intelligent. A huge thank you to my husband Mark for making the cutie marks he out did himself. Yeah it was fun and I think Bren loved it. So now with her actual birthday we are having family over and having cupcakes and get her a surprise for her birthday she is getting a brand new bike with a basket on it. Yeah she wanted a basket to hold all her ponies. She is going to be so excited. She told me the other day she likes surprises and wants a surprise party one day. Oh boy I plan to do that for the kids for sure one of these days. It would be fun maybe when they are 16 have a huge surprise party for them. They will get a kick out of that. Well I am off to an appointment so I'll write more soon~ net

My Grams~

Hello! Well I am getting used to walking in the morning it's 5:30 am. My dog Bailey and I hit the trail it's great. I am so glad I started to walk it's helping a lot with my psyche gets me out of my head and it's also way to think things through. As for my weight loss program it's going, but not losing the weight like I would want too lose it all today..Yeah right not going to happen. I have to take one pound at a time. My mom was a little harsh telling me that I can't stay on a diet no longer than 4 days. I've been on a diet now for 3 weeks. I do have to battle with medication and the chemo might have played a part on the weight gain as well. I've been tracking my points too and well at least one thing is good I haven't gained weight so that is a huge plus. I weigh in today so hoping I lost a few pounds. I think the points I am eating is a little high for me. 52 points so going to cut that up a bit and eat 30 points a day. I think that will help a lot. Just so proud of myself for walking every day. It was weird one day after I was sleeping just getting back from vacation I sprang out of bed and said I am going on a walk and haven't stopped since that morning. I do wonder if I had another dream of my grandma and she told me to take care of myself. Yeah she came to me in a dream and said do what you have to do for yourself Nettie. I was thinking it was about going back to College, but I think it was about my health because a few years later I got word of the cancer. I did love that dream about Grams because she wasn't sick looking and she was pretty young in the dream it was a neat dream. I wish I can have those dreams every night about grams. I Miss her so much!! I would call grams all the time just to chit chat and complain about Mark. She was so sweet though just would listen to my problems and not say anything bad about Mark she said us Capricorns need to stick together. She was funny too. I know she knows I have the cancer, but I wish I could talk to her for support call her up and just tell her what is going on with me. I know she knows, but it would be great to see her again. I hope not too soon though if you know what I mean. I do want the cancer to stay at bay. Yes still have thoughts of dying, but they haven't been too bad just living life and getting ready for a fun 7th Birthday party. Gosh I've been looking forward to this party for some reason. I guess because when I was 7 I had a good time too. I also had long hair now Bren has the long hair as well. It's pretty neat. When I was four I had short hair and so did Bren...it was an accident didn't plan it that way just happened. Well when I was 7 I had some professional pictures taken so I thought it would be a good idea for the kids to get some done as well. I'll have them get some new outfits of course they are going to need new clothes for the school year. I am looking forward to shopping for school clothes too. Yeah it's been a fun summer I guess I am ready for the kids to go back to school, well ask me in about a week before school starts...then I'll for sure be ready. LOL There is so much I want to do when the kids are back in school and that is go to the YMCA workout, maybe find a part-time job or actually go back to school. I am going to talk to advisor today about getting into Admin medical assistant program. I think it would be good for me to go to school again. Sure it won't be a bachelor's degree, but I think with that behind me it will look good on my resume. I like to work in the front office or even the back as well. Maybe I can do it all :-) I really miss working outside the home. One day I'll get back out there now the kids are getting older. It would be good for me. The only thing is have to stay well get the hysterectomy done then all that is behind me I hope. You know I don't even think of the cancer that much and I don't want to just want to put it all behind me, but sometimes once in a while I think about the mutated gene I have and that bums me out. Also the Triple Negative Breast cancer that is a bad one to get. So have to live life to the fullest right now. So I am doing it and loving my kids, husband and all my friends, mom and brother too. I have a lot to do this coming up year so I'll be busy. Rosa, Liz and I are going on the Hawaii trip. I just think it's very important that I get to do that soon like next year. Then also go to my 30th class reunion looking forward to that of course even better if I am down to a size 16 maybe even a 12 would be sweet. I know it's about being healthy, but to look great would be icing on the cake. I also want to get the implants too so that is on my list of to do things. A lot going on right now for me. Oh I forgot to mention I am now drinking green tea and stopped drinking coffee and creamer and no more soda. I am loving it feel good about myself! Well I think I'll go for another walk before the heat comes so more later~ net

A New Woman!

Hello! Wow it's amazing I am writing on my blog at 7 am instead of 3 am. Well I went on my morning walk with my dog Bailey felt great. I am going farther and farther everyday. I am walking every morning at 6 am Mark wakes me up AT 5:30, but it takes me a half an hour to get out of bed...BAHAHA Gosh just to think a few months ago I could barely get out and walk half that. I couldn't even think about walking that is how bad I felt, not alone go to the school even though it's 15 minutes to get there. I am so proud of myself for how far I've come. Well did I write about getting fitted for my prosthesis and bras the other day. It felt so good to have boobs again. They felt so real and looked great! I will now have some perky breast...LOL That is the silver lining got to love that. Yeah I put on the breast and wow what a difference it made in my whole body and mind confident. I felt like a new woman. As of today I am just wearing a padded bra and it feels good too, but the prosthesis feel so amazing. I can wait for them it takes about 2 weeks to get the prosthesis. That is okay because just wearing a bra helps so much. I am getting a size A seems small, but it's not it's actually a very good size for me. It will be so nice to have them. There is a science behind the fitting of prosthesis don't know how to explain it, but that is okay at least I am going to feel like a new woman! I am getting excited for my kid's 7th and 10th birthday this year. Brenna is going to have a My Little Pony party. I am making the rainbow cake will be a lot of fun. She is going to make the cutie marks on the cake for me. You see she is an artist not mommy..lol Then we'll have the little ponies all around the cake it will look so cute. I'll take pictures and put them on Facebook. Fun stuff. Connor wants a creeper cake from Minecraft. I found a cute gal on YouTube Nerdy Nummies so funny. I really like how she bakes her cakes. I think I am beginning to like trying to bake new items lately ever since I found skinnykitchen.com I am going to make these chocolate balloon bowls the kids will love them. You put all kinds of things in them you want, but I think it would be great for the ice cream then they can eat the bowl. So fun looking forward to making everything. I think I am just as excited for this birthday party as Bren. Keeps me busy. Because lately I have had a lot of time on my hands to be thinking a lot and sometimes it's not all that good, but I am trying to not get down right now don't need that. Like Rosa said I have a lot to be Thankful for and just think positive thoughts. I am looking forward to so much lately so I'll be totally fine. I do have that darn hysterectomy to do still not looking forward to that. I see a new doctor about all that soon. I guess he uses the DeVinci Robot as well. ~Sigh I am just not sure about that damn robot it freaks me out. Men and their toys I just hope it gets the job done and helps me feel good and not so out of it the few days after surgery. That is the plan. I believe once that is done I can get on with life and move on. My main concern lately is my weight so that is high on the priority list. Gosh I want to look and feel healthy again. It's been too long being over 200 pounds yeah I said it it's true. My 30th class reunion is coming up in about a year and man would it be great to look good for that. Of course being healthy is the key. So this is my goal to shed these pounds and look HOT!! Hehehe It will take me about a year to lose this weight too. Yeah I ballooned up for some reason when I put the kids in a new school not sure why I did, but maybe the cancer played apart of it. Made me gain weight also the chemo wasn't good for that either. Well now I can take back my life and get with it. So much to be thankful for I have my wonderful family and getting healthy again. Feeling good!! More later~ net

Getting Healthy!

Hello! Yeah I am up again writing on my blog it's 3 am not sure why I am up, but why not write. A few things have been bothering me lately and one is my weight. It's time to get healthy and lose it. I am excited about it, but the only down fall it takes so long, but if I keep at it I can do this. Shoot I got through chemo I can get through weight loss. Right?! I started weight watchers and I lost a half of pound my first week. The only thing is they have me at 52 points a day. I think that is way too much for me to eat a day. So I am putting it down to say like 30 points a day. I don't want to be eating all day long that is crazy. I am doing a lot of walking now so that is a huge plus for me. I wake up every morning at 5:30 am and do my morning walk. My dog Bailey loves it! I do this before the kids get up and that is time for myself. I am drinking plenty of water feels great just have to pee a lot down side of drinking lots of water, but man my kidneys are loving it. Another thing that is bothering me is thinking about dying or something bad happening to my family. Yeah I guess this goes with the territory of being diagnosed with cancer. This too shall pass and I can get on with life. Sigh~ Well I was excited to go on a Hawaii trip with my friend Rosa next year, but Mark rained on my parade on that one. He said geez you just get back on a vacation and want to leave again. Well heck buddy I need to start thinking of my bucket list you know. So right now going to concentrate on losing the weight and going to my 30th class reunion next August. I did say to Mark if we end up staying in Idaho I want to go to California twice a year. He said there goes the money. That isn't true. Shoot he pulls me away from all my core friends and expects me to just not go visit them? Give me a break. I have to see my mother too. I don't think that is too much to ask for if you ask me. Especially that I don't have any family or friends here in Idaho. Okay I am making friends, but they aren't like my BFF Rosa, Liz, Kelly, Nellie, Steve, John, Chris, Michael, Nap, Susan and many more friends that I love. I miss them they are so much fun to be around. I'll make the most out of it here in Idaho, but let me go back and visit my friends at least. Who knows maybe we'll move back Mark applied for a job in Sacramento the other day. Yeah the job opened up and who knows just maybe they will hire him. I would be tinkled pink, but then I think about the high cost of living there in California. I just don't know what to do I miss my friends terribly, but are we better off in Idaho?? I guess we'll go where the good paying jobs are, but hate living in limbo right now. Want to make up our minds and get to our place of living. I want the house I can call home. It will happen things take time. God's time. Right now we are doing what we are suppose to be doing. You know when talking to Mark the other night. I think he might resent me for staying at home with the kids just a bit. Because he mentioned well we only have one income. Not true I do bring in some money from disability so that is something I am giving the family. Mark wants me to go back to school which I would love to if I knew where we were going to stay for sure. You know I just wish we can move back to California and be done with it. Yeah sure family comes first, but so does friends especially if they make you happy. Another thing is bothering me, but I am going to keep that one to myself it's a family member and not going to give them any kind of satisfaction. All I can say about that is God knows the truth. That makes me happy when I just think about God knowing the truth. Okay now I said my peace about it now I can let it go. My counselor said I need to talk about it with friends and my husband and I have so all is going well with that. There was a picture of me taken the other day with the kids. I put it on my fridge so I can be reminded on how I look right now. It's going to be my before picture. Well it's going to take me about a year to lose all this 109 lbs. Yeah that much to lose. Because I gained that 40 pounds before the cancer. It might have something to do with it too. So now to get on track and get it taken care of. My scale says I lost 6 lbs. love it, but weight watchers scale says a 1/2 of pound..hmmm don't like that much. This will be a good week to weight in I am going to lose 2 lbs!! I sure hope so. Well on that note I think I'll get back to sleep. It's about 4 am now have to get up and walk in the morning. I'll write more later. net

Dedicated to my Friends!!

Hello everyone! Well my California trip was a huge blast! I loved seeing so many friends and some family. Yeah didn't see the family as much as the friends for some reason. Everyone has quirky family members and maybe I am one of them. Oh well at least I have some really great friends!! Miss them already. My kids had such a good time seeing Grandma Jeanne, uncle Jeff and our friend Randy they are a kick in the pants..LOL fun people. I love my mom and brother so much!!! Miss them too. The trip started off with the yard sale fundraiser so grateful for all the donations from great-uncles and cousins and many many thanks to all my friends that donated their time to come out and see me. Did I mention how great my friends are? I feel like the luckiest person alive because of them all. Well more like blessed. I want to say a thank you to my friend Rosa for taking my children to the aquatic center and to the movies for me on Friday during the yard sale. The kids wouldn't have liked sitting in the hot sun all day. So thank you Rosa the kids had the best time. I am so glad their cousin Payton got to join in on the fun too. That night Brenna told me word for word what they got to do on their trip to Redding. It was so sweet to hear the fun they had. I had such great support by my sister Cyndi and her husband Gerald. They were so great they wore their pink shirts for me at the yard sale. Thank you guys! Our trip was such a good time don't know how to express it into words. We enjoyed time at the beach at Whiskeytown Lake, my son had too much sun and fainted the next day. yeah that was a little scary. But we fed him some bananas and gave him plenty of fluids and he was doing fine. Just way too much sun for my little man. We got to see the movie the Great and Powerful OZ. The kids loved that as well. In some parts it was a little scary just ask Liz and Rosa they jumped a mile at times. The kids just went with it. I have great kids I must say. I LOVE them so much!! I think the kids got a kick out of seeing so many friends my friend John, Anthony, Veronica, Rosie, Mikey and Jesse up in Redding. They loved how John made them laugh and how Jesse teased them. Pay backs though the kids got even with Jesse it was fun to watch. We spent time in Sacramento and saw my friend Kelly, Chris and Nellie. I loved it so much Rosa came with me and there I had my two close friends making me dinner. That was a really nice treat for me. The next day Liz made the kids and I breakfast yummy lemon crepes, eggs and bacon and toast. I love it when I come to visit. I sometimes want to move back I think I would be happier to be closer to my friends. It would be the world to me if that could happen, but at this time have to stay where the jobs are. One day maybe we'll move back, but in the meantime I plan to visit my California twice a year. So my next trip is in October, my husband doesn't know this yet, but he will I have to make it happen. My friends mean that much to me. We had a good time with Nap as well he took us out to dinner and I got to see my former baseball coach Dink. Yeah it will happen we'll be moving back some day I have too many friends I need around me. Sigh~ Thank you to all my friends so much for loving me. I love you!! I couldn't have gotten through chemo and the operations without you all supporting me. Another surgery is coming up in August the hysterectomy so I know my friends we'll be there for me. Well my next battle right now is losing weight. I joined weight watchers and looking forward to getting healthy. I made a really great dinner last night and loved taking care of myself feels good. I am not having all the junk food I am eating healthy and loving it. I think my kids will thank me in the long run too. Well if I can get through the chemo I can get this weight off just know I can do it. My 30th High School reunion is next year so it sure would be nice to go to it and be healthy and look HOT as well. I could wear that little black dress. I have a great goal and I am going to do it!!! Be strong live well!! on that note going back to bed it's 3 am. More later~ net