My Grams~

Hello! Well I am getting used to walking in the morning it's 5:30 am. My dog Bailey and I hit the trail it's great. I am so glad I started to walk it's helping a lot with my psyche gets me out of my head and it's also way to think things through. As for my weight loss program it's going, but not losing the weight like I would want too lose it all today..Yeah right not going to happen. I have to take one pound at a time. My mom was a little harsh telling me that I can't stay on a diet no longer than 4 days. I've been on a diet now for 3 weeks. I do have to battle with medication and the chemo might have played a part on the weight gain as well. I've been tracking my points too and well at least one thing is good I haven't gained weight so that is a huge plus. I weigh in today so hoping I lost a few pounds. I think the points I am eating is a little high for me. 52 points so going to cut that up a bit and eat 30 points a day. I think that will help a lot. Just so proud of myself for walking every day. It was weird one day after I was sleeping just getting back from vacation I sprang out of bed and said I am going on a walk and haven't stopped since that morning. I do wonder if I had another dream of my grandma and she told me to take care of myself. Yeah she came to me in a dream and said do what you have to do for yourself Nettie. I was thinking it was about going back to College, but I think it was about my health because a few years later I got word of the cancer. I did love that dream about Grams because she wasn't sick looking and she was pretty young in the dream it was a neat dream. I wish I can have those dreams every night about grams. I Miss her so much!! I would call grams all the time just to chit chat and complain about Mark. She was so sweet though just would listen to my problems and not say anything bad about Mark she said us Capricorns need to stick together. She was funny too. I know she knows I have the cancer, but I wish I could talk to her for support call her up and just tell her what is going on with me. I know she knows, but it would be great to see her again. I hope not too soon though if you know what I mean. I do want the cancer to stay at bay. Yes still have thoughts of dying, but they haven't been too bad just living life and getting ready for a fun 7th Birthday party. Gosh I've been looking forward to this party for some reason. I guess because when I was 7 I had a good time too. I also had long hair now Bren has the long hair as well. It's pretty neat. When I was four I had short hair and so did Bren...it was an accident didn't plan it that way just happened. Well when I was 7 I had some professional pictures taken so I thought it would be a good idea for the kids to get some done as well. I'll have them get some new outfits of course they are going to need new clothes for the school year. I am looking forward to shopping for school clothes too. Yeah it's been a fun summer I guess I am ready for the kids to go back to school, well ask me in about a week before school starts...then I'll for sure be ready. LOL There is so much I want to do when the kids are back in school and that is go to the YMCA workout, maybe find a part-time job or actually go back to school. I am going to talk to advisor today about getting into Admin medical assistant program. I think it would be good for me to go to school again. Sure it won't be a bachelor's degree, but I think with that behind me it will look good on my resume. I like to work in the front office or even the back as well. Maybe I can do it all :-) I really miss working outside the home. One day I'll get back out there now the kids are getting older. It would be good for me. The only thing is have to stay well get the hysterectomy done then all that is behind me I hope. You know I don't even think of the cancer that much and I don't want to just want to put it all behind me, but sometimes once in a while I think about the mutated gene I have and that bums me out. Also the Triple Negative Breast cancer that is a bad one to get. So have to live life to the fullest right now. So I am doing it and loving my kids, husband and all my friends, mom and brother too. I have a lot to do this coming up year so I'll be busy. Rosa, Liz and I are going on the Hawaii trip. I just think it's very important that I get to do that soon like next year. Then also go to my 30th class reunion looking forward to that of course even better if I am down to a size 16 maybe even a 12 would be sweet. I know it's about being healthy, but to look great would be icing on the cake. I also want to get the implants too so that is on my list of to do things. A lot going on right now for me. Oh I forgot to mention I am now drinking green tea and stopped drinking coffee and creamer and no more soda. I am loving it feel good about myself! Well I think I'll go for another walk before the heat comes so more later~ net