Surgery date

Hello! Well I know when my next surgery will be September 18th. Yep another surgery geez I think I am done after that. Yeah going to put this whole cancer thing away and get on with my life. I am not going to think about it or let it run my life. Some of my nurse navigators ask me to participate in cancer functions, but I just rather not think of any of it. Now I might walk for Susan G. Komen foundation one day, but as of this moment no more c word for me. I'm done and ready to face the world with an open mind and happiness in my heart. Putting it behind me will let me do just that. One of the things I plan to do for myself is go back to school. Yeah I start very soon and looking forward to it. The whole family is going to school pretty cool really. I plan to take my administration medical assistant course. I want to work in the front office. I believe I do a good job at it and I enjoy helping patients coming in the office. I don't mind all the paper work either it keeps me very busy. I miss working for the GI lab years ago it was such a good job miss the people and the work as well. So once I am done with my certificate I plan to go back to work. It will be great to go back to work now that my kids are older. It will be something for me to do for myself. I am doing a lot for myself these days. I am trying to lose weight so far I am down 23 lbs. I have a ways to go, but I am going to do it this time for my health and my sanity. I just want to look HOT damn it!! It would be so nice to fit in my size 18 jeans I have in my closet. Oh no that isn't where I am stopping at, I am going to try to get to a size 12 now I would be HOT in a size 12. I wouldn't even mind being a 14. I am working on it and doing very well with my eating. I am in that mind set and it's working great. I have though decided to put away the scale it wasn't doing me any favors. I actually would weigh myself every day and I would be disappointed. The scale is going away for a month now. I am going to have my husband hide it from me. My mom told me to do that a long time ago, but did I listen? no. I am now though. I will weigh-in again on September 28th early morning to see how I did. So mark your calendars sure hope I do well. I have measured myself also and I know that I have already lost an inch around my neck, waist and hips. YAHOO!! I know wasn't suppose to measure was I? I am eager to lose the weight but not wanting to wait for it to come off so slow. It's going to take me about a year to get this weight off. SIGH~~ Okay I'll wait for it to come off slowly that is all I can do at this time. I've made some great changes in my diet. I am not sure if I mentioned this before if I have sorry for the repeat. I stopped drinking soda, no more creamer so no more coffee, I drink green tea, drink skim milk, eat oatmeal every day, have stevia instead of sugar, park as far from the store as possible and I am doing a lot of walking. FEELS GREAT making these changes. I am eating a lot healthier and I am counting all my calories on Myfitnesspal.com it's a great site reminds me a little of Facebook though. I haven't wrote much on FB lately I will put this up on FB though like to post my blog online. I hope I encourage someone today or put a smile on their face. Well it's almost 1 am here in Idaho. So more later~ net

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Hello, Well down a few pounds like 22 pounds. But gain 3 lbs. back a little bent out of shape on that though. I just have to get back with it and keep walking and eating healthy. I am loving this new site it's called My fitness pal.com. It is really helping a lot. I put all my food in my diary and track all my exercise daily. I have decided to quit weight watchers and just stick with my pal. It will save me money in the long run and my pal is free. LOVE FREE!!! You get really good support on there as well. I love to see all the success stories myself because it keeps me motivated. I might have slip up today, but that is okay I'll get back to it tomorrow. Yeah I ate some chocolate and had a coke. I am not proud of myself, but I did it and I am admitting to it. Tomorrow will be a better day. I tracked it in my food diary today. I went over my calorie goal. Just have to do more walking tomorrow. I plan to get up and take my morning walk with my dog. I love having my time together just her and I. The kids are sleeping and I get to have me time. LOVE IT!! Well let's us see what else is happening. I am feeling much better after my surgery doesn't hurt any more and I got my prosthesis very nice silver lining perky breast again. LOVE IT!!I feel like a new woman with those I tell you feels so good to have boobs again. Well I've decided to put the cancer behind me and get on with life. Some of my nurse navigators are calling me up and asking me to go to a cancer function or class and I am not interested I want to get on with my life and not think of the cancer. I had a art class the other day for cancer and didn't go, maybe I should have might have learned something about art, but just wasn't into it. I didn't want to paint about the cancer just want it to be done. Move on and live life to the fullest. So the best thing for me to do for myself is go back to school. I start classes very soon and I am looking forward to it. Yep this mama is going back to school and soon I'll graduate and then I'll get back into the work force. I miss working outside the home. I haven't work outside the home since 2007. Yeah my kids are growing up and time for me to get back into life and live a little. I loved staying home with my children it was the best thing that I could have done for them and me so blessed to be able to say that I got to do that. Now though is time for me to get back in life and see other people and bring home some bacon. Yeah that will help Mark out bringing in an income too. We do want to buy another house one day soon. To do that I need to be working. First thing first have to finish school. I am going to get my administration medical assistant front office. I am looking forward to it too that is my experience lies is in the front office. I like to do that type of work the most. I get to help the patient and still do all the front office work. I really enjoyed my job at the GI lab in my former city. It was a lot of fun too got to meet some great people and just be able to socialize love that the most. I am excited to get to be in school to meet new students, make new friends and learn something too. Not too keen on all the studying and not seeing my babies off to bed at night, but in the long run it will be worth it. That is what I keep telling myself with Mark's studies. It's every weekend he has to study it's rough on us all really. I keep reminding myself that it will be worth it in the long run. He may even get a raise once he graduates. Mark informed me a few days ago that he wants to go for his Master's degree. I had no idea he was planning that, but I am happy for him, but again all the studying is driving us crazy. Especially him he works full-time and goes to school full-time damn he is one tough cookie. I couldn't do it at least I don't think so I tried to do it when at college, but became depressed too exhausted. I am very proud of him though very proud. I can't wait for his graduation day it will be very emotional for me. He is sacrificing his time for his degree right now and that cuts a little bit. I just keep thinking this too shall pass and it will be so wonderful when he receives his diploma. I will be very proud of myself when I get mine as well. I am going to be getting a certificate though, but that is okay I just don't have it in me to do a bachelor's degree right now. I think one at a time in the family is enough to get a bachelor's degree once Mark is finished I may think about it then. So we'll see. Until then going to feel it, live it and love it it's all about school right now all of us are going to school. We are going to be a very busy family. I think I can like that a lot better than being bored. There will be no time for being bored now. Well as for my health I am feeling good. I did go to the dermatologist a couple of weeks ago and they found a mole that needs to be removed. He said doesn't look like skin cancer, but we need to make sure it's okay. Gosh I hope it comes back benign "Ain't nobody got time for that." LOL No more cancer okay Lord please dear God. Well Mark had a good point if I did have cancer the chemo probably ate it up so I should be okay. It just bothers me a little bit. I want to put cancer behind me and move on with life so lets do that okay dear God. I do have to have a hysterectomy next month then after that I am good to go live a cancer free life. Amen! Can't wait until that is over with. My mother-in-law is in California so she won't be here to help me. She had surgery today on her back so she is out of commission right now. So all I'll have is my honey bun to help me. I might be able to get a friend to help me out. Also get the meal train help as well. They give meals to family members who are going through rough times. It's a great service love not having to worry about dinners. Well if I am going to go on my walk in the morning I better get to bed. Thanks for reading my blog and for all the support a girl could ask for. more later~

Losing weight!

Hello! Well things aren't as bad as the last post. My mom doesn't have diabetes it's not as bad as she thought. Mark does start his new job today at the State excited for him he'll probably love it. Make him feel important. I am still starting school in September and having my hysterectomy same month, but I am sure I can work around my school with it. I hope! Good news I am losing weight lost 2 lbs. yesterday total of weight loss 8 lbs. LOVE IT!! I had to lose 108 lbs. so 100 more to go I can do this. I am really focused on it too. I am walking every morning I walk to the school and around the track feels great to get the exercise. My dog Bailey loves it too. I am keeping a video diary of my progress so hopefully this time next year I'll have the 100 pounds behind me and I can see the process. Will be so nice to be down to a size 12. I want to get down to 170 lbs. Shoot at this point I'll be happy to be under 200 lbs. I've been over 200 lbs. for so long it's such a shame. For my 8 pound weight loss bought three blouses that were 2x instead of 3x happy about that small feat. LOL it's the little things in life that make us happy. I can't wait to wear my new blouses. I know I shouldn't buy me any new clothes, but I couldn't help it had to get a little something to celebrate my victory of a whopping 8 lbs. LOL I am proud of myself darn it. My dilemma is I am not sure I want to stay with Weight Watchers right now. I am doing well on the My Fitness Pal. com I will make that decision when my 10 weeks are up. Not sure I really want to spend $119 dollars on another 10 weeks when I am doing it with help from my fitness pal.com. Also I don't like their scales as much as mine it says I lost more weight on mine, maybe they have their scales rigged or something so you don't lose that much weight so fast. When I weighed in the last time I was 282. my scale said 280 lbs. that is a lot better than the 282 lbs. So when I go on Wednesday it might not show I lost the eight pounds..and that will be a bummer. I will get discouraged I am sure. So I think I've made up my mind and I am going to lose weight on my own. That solves that problem. So anyway things are going pretty well with my family except my brother-in-law is very ill has cancer all through his body brain and spine. I really don't think he has much time to live it's very sad. I will keep praying for him. My kids are doing well getting ready for school soon. The whole family will be in school soon. Mom and dad too. I am looking forward to my new school and learning as much as possible. It's going to be so good for me to do something for myself. The kids are getting older and now it's time for mommy to take care of herself. Losing weight whoop whoop!! Going to school and exercising too. I am feeling a lot better than I did a few months ago. It's like night and day how I was and man do I feel so much better feels awesome!! That chemo was horrible I don't want to do it again that is for sure. Let's hope I don't have that to deal with that again ever. OH yeah our renters didn't skip out on us so that is good news we still have them renting our home. So grateful for that. Mark and I were also concerned about what we were going to do with the kids when I go to school and I believe that is all taken care of we believe Mark gets to go in early to work and get off early too. That would work very well. I go into school at 5:30pm so he'll be here in time for me to go to school. So that is good news. He'll know more today though can't wait to hear what his hours will be. I haven't heard when my surgery will be yet I had that Doctor's office cancel my August 6th appointment until the 26th. I'll know then when I'll have my surgery on that day. I sure hope the school helps me get my school work done and I don't miss too much of my homework. I might call my advisor today and tell her what is going on we'll see. Thinking positive about it. Well I think I'll close for now and keep on losing that weight!!! more later~

Holy Crap!

Hello! Well I was writing a little note to a friend and this is what I wrote for starters...geez a lot is going on in our lives. Mark got the offer on the job for the State, I am going back to school. I am trying to lose weight (having hard time with that one) going camping with Connor this weekend, I am going to have the hysterectomy in August, and our renters might have skipped on us. hmmm is there anything else I might of forgotten? Oh my mom has diabetes not on insulin but probably pretty close to it. YIKESKIS huh? Hope your world is a little less hectic for you. man it's hella crazy here. Oh yeah had a nice Birthday party for Bren and it's not even her birthday yet. It's on Wednesday Wow can't believe she is going to be 7 blows me away. Yeah we are a little busy these days. I just hope to heck our renters haven't jump out on us. That would be the pits. The reason why I think this is we got a notice from the utilities that service will be turned off on the 1st of August. The bill hasn't been paid. I am hoping it's just a mess up with their funds and not that they have jumped ship. Then Mark tells me he is afraid his back ground check for the new job might have some false positives on it. Gosh I hope not hope it comes back clean. He is freaking me out on that one. He just thinks that sometimes records get messed up he doesn't trust that very much. Well I think it will come back just fine. He is thinking the worse case scenario. Mark did say he hope something new doesn't pop up for us right now. He still has to study some time in between all of this. Holy Crap poor guy. Stay calm, relax and breath. As for the camping trip Mark is thinking of going too so that puts another kink into things as well. We were going to let Connor go alone, but he doesn't know anyone up there so we really need to be there with him especially for his first outing with his troop scouts. I am trying to get a battery for my bi-pap machine so I can go really don't want to go without it. I'll see tomorrow about a battery for my bi-pap machine. Darn sleep apnea it's my own fault for putting on this weight, well anti-depressants play some type of problem with my weight too. Anyway it's got me bummed out tonight. I wish I can lose the extra 40 pounds right away, but it's not coming off as fast as I would like it to. I have been making some good changes in my diet such as, no soda, more water, no creamer in my coffee, drinking green tea, walking every morning at 6 am and eating much better. I think what it is that the weight is on my mind all the time so I am stressing about it so it's not coming off. I also feel real hungry lately probably from all that is going on. I am emotional eater I eat when I am stress, happy, sad or angry not good. I sure do want to be around longer for my family so if I keep this weight I am not doing anyone any favors so I must get stronger and lose this weight and have it be like a full-time job. That is what it's going to take. I wish I had the money for a personal trainer that would be good for me. Well in the mean time I am going to stick with weight watchers and do my best with it. On a happier note my hair is coming back and it feels great. Oh and also I get my new breast on Friday can't wait for those I'll feel so much better about myself. They really feel like real breast when they are on and that is just great to have boobs again. I have been using the stuffing and that just doesn't cut it. lol it just falls out and I put it back in like a scare crow putting it's straw back into it's shirt. Can't wait for my boobs. Oh that reminds me another to do list get the implants next year hmmm wonder how I'll fit that in with College? I guess I'll figure it out when the time comes. I am not even sure I'll get the implants yet we'll see. It's a lot to consider so I'll put that on the back burner for now. I am having a nice cup of green tea while I write this taste good. Oh and I am breathing deeply. It's now 2:24 am I should be in bed right now, but just had to say what was on my mind. Thanks for reading my blog. More Later~ net

Dreams

Hello! I am feeling really good today. I went on my walk with my dog Bailey I haven't stopped walking since I got back from vacation every morning. It feels great. It's time for myself because the kids are sleeping and I get to just do a few things for myself in the morning. Like write on my blog, take a shower, write in my journal and pretty soon read in the Bible. Yeah that dream I had about my grams really has stuck in my mind so much. I really truly believe she came to see me in my dream again. She was young full of life and told me to read the Bible more often. She also said take care of myself. I am thinking lose this weight. How can I not listen to my grams right?! I mean geez she comes to me in my dream from Heaven have to listen to her. I love those dreams so much. It was like there were two grams there one was dancing and the other was a messenger telling me to get with it. She was wearing all white pants and a shirt kind of baggy and she had these yellow like gel slippers on it was weird but cool it would be like grams wearing her gold shoes. They are suppose to be white, but she probably talked with God and said she has to wear yellow just to be different...LOL The other grams was in one of her colorful blouses and she was just a dancing up a storm I loved it. It makes me want to go out dancing so I can lose this weight faster. I did lose another pound so that is good just have to weigh in on Wednesday morning. Yep on weight watchers loving it! It's so good for me to be doing something for myself that is positive. I just can't wait until I go to the meetings though. I have to wait until the kids are back into school. They are in school end of August so it won't be long now. I do like having them home love having the break for summer. It will be nice though when I can do my own thing when they are at school. Yeah I am going back to College going to get my certificate as Administration Medical Assistant. I already have the experience, but it would be nice to have the extra knowledge of knowing more in the front office. May even be able to get a job faster with it too. I am excited to go back to school and learn something new and a little scared because of all the studying I have to do too. It's going to take up a lot of my time, but the kids will understand mommy is in College learning something and it might make them want to go to college when they are ready. They see daddy going and well hmmm it could back fire because Mark does study a lot they may not want to go to College...LOL well you never know we are going to encourage them to go that is for sure. I know for sure Connor will he wants to be a scientist and I am going to do my best at full filling his dreams. Brenna says she wants to be a singer, dancer and artist. She might even get into acting as well she is pretty good at it already. My little star~ I am putting her in gymnastics soon she will love it. Connor is going into the cub scouts so excited for him he gets to go on his first camping trip this weekend. I was going to go, but my bi-pap machine doesn't take batteries so no camping for me..rats! I really wanted to go camping too. Once I get this weight off maybe I won't have sleep apnea that would be great. Gosh I wish weight came off faster darn it any how. I'll just keeping it up and do it one pound at a time or more that would be nice. I notice that since I've been getting up early for my walks I have more energy all day long. Oh shoot I have to tell you about the birthday party. Bren's birthday party was a blast. The kids came had a good time and the cake was a huge hit. The rainbow My Little Pony cake. It was a lot of fun to make and I really enjoyed Bren's help with it she is amazing little girl very intelligent. A huge thank you to my husband Mark for making the cutie marks he out did himself. Yeah it was fun and I think Bren loved it. So now with her actual birthday we are having family over and having cupcakes and get her a surprise for her birthday she is getting a brand new bike with a basket on it. Yeah she wanted a basket to hold all her ponies. She is going to be so excited. She told me the other day she likes surprises and wants a surprise party one day. Oh boy I plan to do that for the kids for sure one of these days. It would be fun maybe when they are 16 have a huge surprise party for them. They will get a kick out of that. Well I am off to an appointment so I'll write more soon~ net

My Grams~

Hello! Well I am getting used to walking in the morning it's 5:30 am. My dog Bailey and I hit the trail it's great. I am so glad I started to walk it's helping a lot with my psyche gets me out of my head and it's also way to think things through. As for my weight loss program it's going, but not losing the weight like I would want too lose it all today..Yeah right not going to happen. I have to take one pound at a time. My mom was a little harsh telling me that I can't stay on a diet no longer than 4 days. I've been on a diet now for 3 weeks. I do have to battle with medication and the chemo might have played a part on the weight gain as well. I've been tracking my points too and well at least one thing is good I haven't gained weight so that is a huge plus. I weigh in today so hoping I lost a few pounds. I think the points I am eating is a little high for me. 52 points so going to cut that up a bit and eat 30 points a day. I think that will help a lot. Just so proud of myself for walking every day. It was weird one day after I was sleeping just getting back from vacation I sprang out of bed and said I am going on a walk and haven't stopped since that morning. I do wonder if I had another dream of my grandma and she told me to take care of myself. Yeah she came to me in a dream and said do what you have to do for yourself Nettie. I was thinking it was about going back to College, but I think it was about my health because a few years later I got word of the cancer. I did love that dream about Grams because she wasn't sick looking and she was pretty young in the dream it was a neat dream. I wish I can have those dreams every night about grams. I Miss her so much!! I would call grams all the time just to chit chat and complain about Mark. She was so sweet though just would listen to my problems and not say anything bad about Mark she said us Capricorns need to stick together. She was funny too. I know she knows I have the cancer, but I wish I could talk to her for support call her up and just tell her what is going on with me. I know she knows, but it would be great to see her again. I hope not too soon though if you know what I mean. I do want the cancer to stay at bay. Yes still have thoughts of dying, but they haven't been too bad just living life and getting ready for a fun 7th Birthday party. Gosh I've been looking forward to this party for some reason. I guess because when I was 7 I had a good time too. I also had long hair now Bren has the long hair as well. It's pretty neat. When I was four I had short hair and so did Bren...it was an accident didn't plan it that way just happened. Well when I was 7 I had some professional pictures taken so I thought it would be a good idea for the kids to get some done as well. I'll have them get some new outfits of course they are going to need new clothes for the school year. I am looking forward to shopping for school clothes too. Yeah it's been a fun summer I guess I am ready for the kids to go back to school, well ask me in about a week before school starts...then I'll for sure be ready. LOL There is so much I want to do when the kids are back in school and that is go to the YMCA workout, maybe find a part-time job or actually go back to school. I am going to talk to advisor today about getting into Admin medical assistant program. I think it would be good for me to go to school again. Sure it won't be a bachelor's degree, but I think with that behind me it will look good on my resume. I like to work in the front office or even the back as well. Maybe I can do it all :-) I really miss working outside the home. One day I'll get back out there now the kids are getting older. It would be good for me. The only thing is have to stay well get the hysterectomy done then all that is behind me I hope. You know I don't even think of the cancer that much and I don't want to just want to put it all behind me, but sometimes once in a while I think about the mutated gene I have and that bums me out. Also the Triple Negative Breast cancer that is a bad one to get. So have to live life to the fullest right now. So I am doing it and loving my kids, husband and all my friends, mom and brother too. I have a lot to do this coming up year so I'll be busy. Rosa, Liz and I are going on the Hawaii trip. I just think it's very important that I get to do that soon like next year. Then also go to my 30th class reunion looking forward to that of course even better if I am down to a size 16 maybe even a 12 would be sweet. I know it's about being healthy, but to look great would be icing on the cake. I also want to get the implants too so that is on my list of to do things. A lot going on right now for me. Oh I forgot to mention I am now drinking green tea and stopped drinking coffee and creamer and no more soda. I am loving it feel good about myself! Well I think I'll go for another walk before the heat comes so more later~ net

A New Woman!

Hello! Wow it's amazing I am writing on my blog at 7 am instead of 3 am. Well I went on my morning walk with my dog Bailey felt great. I am going farther and farther everyday. I am walking every morning at 6 am Mark wakes me up AT 5:30, but it takes me a half an hour to get out of bed...BAHAHA Gosh just to think a few months ago I could barely get out and walk half that. I couldn't even think about walking that is how bad I felt, not alone go to the school even though it's 15 minutes to get there. I am so proud of myself for how far I've come. Well did I write about getting fitted for my prosthesis and bras the other day. It felt so good to have boobs again. They felt so real and looked great! I will now have some perky breast...LOL That is the silver lining got to love that. Yeah I put on the breast and wow what a difference it made in my whole body and mind confident. I felt like a new woman. As of today I am just wearing a padded bra and it feels good too, but the prosthesis feel so amazing. I can wait for them it takes about 2 weeks to get the prosthesis. That is okay because just wearing a bra helps so much. I am getting a size A seems small, but it's not it's actually a very good size for me. It will be so nice to have them. There is a science behind the fitting of prosthesis don't know how to explain it, but that is okay at least I am going to feel like a new woman! I am getting excited for my kid's 7th and 10th birthday this year. Brenna is going to have a My Little Pony party. I am making the rainbow cake will be a lot of fun. She is going to make the cutie marks on the cake for me. You see she is an artist not mommy..lol Then we'll have the little ponies all around the cake it will look so cute. I'll take pictures and put them on Facebook. Fun stuff. Connor wants a creeper cake from Minecraft. I found a cute gal on YouTube Nerdy Nummies so funny. I really like how she bakes her cakes. I think I am beginning to like trying to bake new items lately ever since I found skinnykitchen.com I am going to make these chocolate balloon bowls the kids will love them. You put all kinds of things in them you want, but I think it would be great for the ice cream then they can eat the bowl. So fun looking forward to making everything. I think I am just as excited for this birthday party as Bren. Keeps me busy. Because lately I have had a lot of time on my hands to be thinking a lot and sometimes it's not all that good, but I am trying to not get down right now don't need that. Like Rosa said I have a lot to be Thankful for and just think positive thoughts. I am looking forward to so much lately so I'll be totally fine. I do have that darn hysterectomy to do still not looking forward to that. I see a new doctor about all that soon. I guess he uses the DeVinci Robot as well. ~Sigh I am just not sure about that damn robot it freaks me out. Men and their toys I just hope it gets the job done and helps me feel good and not so out of it the few days after surgery. That is the plan. I believe once that is done I can get on with life and move on. My main concern lately is my weight so that is high on the priority list. Gosh I want to look and feel healthy again. It's been too long being over 200 pounds yeah I said it it's true. My 30th class reunion is coming up in about a year and man would it be great to look good for that. Of course being healthy is the key. So this is my goal to shed these pounds and look HOT!! Hehehe It will take me about a year to lose this weight too. Yeah I ballooned up for some reason when I put the kids in a new school not sure why I did, but maybe the cancer played apart of it. Made me gain weight also the chemo wasn't good for that either. Well now I can take back my life and get with it. So much to be thankful for I have my wonderful family and getting healthy again. Feeling good!! More later~ net