November 17th

Hi everyone!  Well today is a month knowing I have breast cancer.  Yeah I still yet to have the surgery want the cancer out of me ASAP.  Now have to have the stress test before surgery.  I haven't heard anything about one yet.  Maybe on Monday I'll have one that would be great get it over with.  Well I watched 50/50 last night it wasn't too bad it had some humor in it.  It was wild I thought of my mom because she is going through a hard time because she has my brother to take care of, he has seizures and now me with the cancer.  In the movie the mom had a husband with Alsheimer's and her son with cancer.  So thinking of my mom how she is holding up with all this.  I think I should have her watch that movie.  It was funny in some parts and a good ending too.  I do think of the chemo and how it's going to affect me.  I think that scares me the most actually.  I went to bed thinking about chemo last night and I had a little anxiety with the thinking of chemo.  I just don't want to be warn out and not feeling good for my kids.  They need their mama so much.  I am glad they are older, but they still need thier mommy.  I am a hands on mom I really get in there and be with my kids.  I am a jungle gym type of mom.  I let them climb on me and we play a lot.  I sing to them, read to them and we have tons of fun together.  I love being a mom it's the best thing that has ever happen to me.  My kids are my life and I would do anything for them.  They love their mommy too.  I just want to be there for them.  I am going to push myself to some extint with the chemo, but when I must lie down I will too.  I have told my kids all about the chemo and how I maybe ill.  I also told them that my hair will come out as well.  I have the kids signed up for the workshop Climb it's just for kids and it's for kid's family members going through treatment.  I can't wait for the kids to go to the work shop.  I think it will be so good for them.  It starts in January just the time I'll be in treatment.  I don't care if it's in the evening either going to get them there even if have to drive in the night.  Yeah I don't like driving in the night, but I will for my kids.  It might be a good time for Mark and I to go on a date as well.  I would like that a lot too.  Yeah we go the first and last night and the rest of them is just for the kids.  So this is a perfect time for us to have a date.  I hope the kids get a lot out of the work shop.  They deserve to know what is happening to their mom.  I want to be up front with them and not hide this from them.  I would want to know if it was happening to my mom.  My mom had depression well a breakdown I was about 18 years old and she didn't let us know I thought she was dying or something.  I was scared she didn't tell me what was going on.  I just came out and asked her if she was dying.  Then she told me what was going on.  Parents need to let their kids know what is happening with them.  All the kids care about is if mom and dad are all right and if we are going to be there for them.  I sure hope I am their for my kids. I want to watch them grow-up so much.  I will do my best to see that happen.   Well we are getting ready for Thanksgiving I am looking forward to it actually.  I am cleaning the house like crazy.  I want to have some great holidays with my family.  Can't wait to share them with my kids and hubby.  Oh I have good news my mom and Rosa will be here on the 3rd of December to help me out and to visit.  I am so excited to have someone with me on my side of the family.  They have never been to Idaho before.  I wish them safe travels too.  Can't wait to see them.  It works out great because my surgery is pushed out now so it will work out great for them to be here.  Connor is so cute he said mom I hope Rosa can take me to school.  How sweet he likes my friends a lot.  Brenna is doing well too just a little six year old they are both doing great so glad they are my children.  Oh they have colds though no fun, but they'll get better soon.  Well my daughter would like to play on my computer now so I better close for now.  Since I wrote a novel.  I will talk with you more soon.  God Bless and more later~