Cali Trip!!!

Hello! well guess what time it is? Once again I am up at 2 am wanting to write on my blog. You know I haven't cried about my breast being gone I wonder if I am suppose to cry about them gone. I feel like I am accepting them being gone now. I just look at the scars and think wow the surgeon did a great job for what he had to work with. Me being so damn large breasted. I did tell you that I don't like the back fat right? That is what bothers me the most of everything. So mad at myself for letting me get so big. There is no excuse for this weight at all. I got to get it off of me that is my goal. One thing for sure is I can't believe I have to go through another surgery after having this one oh man it was a doozy, but I did very well with it. So that is a good thing, but another surgery it really sucks. Got to do what a woman has to do in order to prolong my life. Right?! I do want to see my kids being raised and have lots of anniversaries with my hubby. Oh another thing that bothers me is sometimes I have those thoughts like am I going to beat this cancer? I am reasured by my nurse navigators that I am going to beat this since I got it so early. Early detection is the best detection which I am told, but knowing I have the mutation gene bothers me so much. Darn mutation gene you put a cramp in my style. Well I am still here and I am fighting so that is the best I can do right now. So lets talk fun stuff. A month from today I'll be heading to California to see all my family and friends so looking forward to it. I do hope I get a nice turn out for my fundraiser not just for the money help, but to see a lot of people out supporting a local girl. I wrote KRCR news and asked if they would like to have a human interest story about me with triple negative breast cancer. We'll see if they call me it would be nice to get the exposure to help other woman and to talk about the fundraiser too. I was told I am being pro-active so that is a good thing. Well the kids and I are going to drive out to save money and that way I'll have a car when in town. My mom's car took a dive it's dead so that puts a cramp in things as well. I really do need a car to get around I have places to go and people to see.:-) I am going to be busy in California going to take the kids to Whiskeytown a few times so they can play in the lake. We might go house boating with my friend Rosa that will be a kick. I hope the kids have just as much fun as I do. Feel bad hubby can't go, he did say he wishes he could go, but he knows the job needs him at this time. A new job and all. Something bothered me what my mother-in-law said the other day have to share it. My daughter and I was having some chocolate. I know sugar isn't the best right now, but we were sharing a chocolate bar together and I asked if my mother-in-law wanted some. Then she said "no I don't want cancer." that hurt me. I told her chocolate doesn't cause cancer. She said well all the sugar though. I am thinking to myself and this woman has a dessert every night for dinner what about all the sugar she eats. She really knows how to make someone feel bad. I guess mother-in-laws are suppose to make smart ass comments just to pick on you. My husband says he has some mother/son issues he hasn't dealt with because she is driving him crazy lately. That is another thing mother's do drive one crazy. I suppose I'll do the same thing to my kids. Poor kids feel sorry for them now...lol My boy told me I embarrassed him the other day I felt bad too. I told him I was so sorry and he forgave me. I am going to do better from now on. The mom seems to get the blame for a lot of things when kids are younger they grow-up and say well mom it was your fault this happen and that happen. I just don't know why the mom gets blamed for everything probably because we make our children crazy saying dumb ass remarks when we should keep our mouth shut. Well to change the subject I am looking forward to having a fundraiser so thankful to my aunt Sharon for doing that for me. It will help me out so much my medical bills are stacking up sure I have insurance, but the little bills add up. I do have a few big ones as well insurance doesn't pay for all of the surgery so have to fork out some moola. It adds up. So at the fundraiser we are going to have a huge yard sale both Friday and Saturday and sell some food. I was thinking the kids could sell lemonade as well. It will be pretty hot out then. When we sold lemonade in or small town in Cambridge we also sold brownies they went fast too. So I think I'll keep the kids busy doing that. It would be fun for them. I believe my aunt is going to have some type of music entertainment as well. That will be nice. I am just so excited to be around my family and friends the rest is just a plus. I am also going to have a mini class reunion on June 22nd that should be fun if we get a good turn out. If not we'll sing karaoke and eat $1.00 tacos. yum yum!! I just want to parta that is what I want to do just celebrate the heck out of not having any more chemo. Yay!! I did write in my journal I hope people are excited to see me as I am to see them. Well my hands are itching pretty bad. My nurse said it could be a side effect of the chemo. It's a pain all that itching on the hands and I thought I was going to win the lottery..LOL That would be nice. So a month today is my fun day road trip!! It's going to be a blast wish I was waking up today for my trip but it will be here in no time. It is now about 4 am time for some shut eye. I wish everyone a happy day! more later~