Doctors

Hello, Well another early morning blog 3 am. I didn't want to get up, but I thought one of my children called me so that woke me up. Turns out they are sleeping peacefully. I am hearing things I guess or was dreaming. I went to my surgeon yesterday and he said things look good, but the drains had to stay in due to the fluid output is still high so another ten more days of the drains...URGHH not too thrilled about that, but that beats the alternative a needle to drain the fluid off of the chest wall. I'll wear these Jackson Pratts as long as it takes. He said the reason for the large amount of fluid is because I was a large size breast. I guess it makes sense. Damn I was huge a lot of weight is off my chest. Okay I have said that joke too many times. But damn girl I was huge. LOL Yeah I do miss my breast at times, but not like before I am accepting of them being gone for now. I think I have phantom pains at times. I told my husband before the surgeries I would be able to handle the surgeries better than the chemo, sometimes I wonder while going through this if I can handle it. I guess I am handling it I am in it right now trying to get better. I know for a matter of fact I don't think I'll ever do chemo again it was horried feeling I can't even describe to you. I've come close to explain it, but you just have to live it in order to know what it's truly like. Lately I've been really worried about my family just don't want anything bad happen to them. I pray every night for them and I say I will trust God and believe in him to protect my family. My son has asthma that bothers me to some degree. I pray he out grows it. Well on a happier note pretty soon for our road trip the kids and I are looking forward to it. One day I want to take them up to Whiskeytown Lake and swim our little hearts out. The kids will love it there I have never taken them there before. It will be a blast. I'll go to the beach area and let them swim there that way I can watch them better too. We'll get some floating toys and air mattress' and have a good time. We'll bring a picnic of food as well. Hope mom wants to go as well we'll see how she will feel that day. My friend Rosa's sister has a patio boat so we might get to do that as well the kids will totally love that a lot. We may go camping one night at Shasta lake. Fun stuff!! Just can't wait to be surrounded by the love of family and friends. It will be so nice to have that loving support surround me. So I'll get there on a Friday so we'll have three weekends to hang out together with Liz, Rosa and John too. I'll probably hang out with mom a lot, but knowing her she'll sleep a lot so that is my exit to go out and see friends. She knows I am a social butterfly so it's a given. It's going to be hot when we are there so I hope the asthma isn't too much of a problem for Connor and all the pollen going to watch him carefully. I am looking forward to my benefit that my aunt is going to throw for me. I do hope to make some money to pay some bills it sure would be nice to get some of those out of the way. I am trying for financial assistants again for another hospital so we'll see how that will go. Anything sure does help. I get $200 hundred dollars from Cancer Care that will help me some too it's because I have the Triple Negative Breast cancer. I am trying to get more assistants from them as well. My aunt made those flyers for me and I sent them out to 15 friends might send them out to more people just so they know what is going on with the benefit for me. I could use a lot of support at this time. So the more the merrier I say. I wrote my former Doctor in Folsom asking him to join us and if he wants to donate any items for the yardsale. I told him I would pick them up if he had anything to donate. Yeah a trip to Folsom wouldn't be so bad it might be pretty fun seeing all my old co-workers. Connor wants to see his cousin Loren too. So who knows we could be making a road trip to Folsom hey it will be worth it getting donations. I need all the help I can get right now. I ask my Facebook friends for donations I don't get a lot of hits on that for some reason. Maybe it's too soon to ask. Or maybe they don't have any items to donate I am not sure, but I'll keep asking. My sister Cindy is coming to town that weekend of the fundraiser so that is nice. It will be good to see her again. She said she is bringing some things to donate so that is great. Looking forward to having a great time at my hometown. Well tomorrow is the doctor visit about the hysterectomy. He better not want to do it in June because sorry sucker I am going to California...LOL I bet you he will want to do it in June shoot I am not even healed from the mastectomy damn this doctors are too cut me up happy. Darn another surgery gosh what a huge pain to have another surgery yeah it sucks, but hopefully after that one I can heal and get on with life again. Right now it's all about getting well it's a little stressful though with all these surgeries and chemo, but chemo is over thank goodness so happy about that. They took the port out so no more chemo for sure. I will not get chemo again I don't care what anyone says to save my life or what it's just not worth the feeling of confusion and the way I felt. So no I will not have chemo again. I will do alternative medicine before doing that. Oh good news my hair is coming back and the best part is in the back of my head where it was very thin well it's coming all in with no bald spots so maybe that is another silver lining a full head of hair would LOVE IT!!! I am really liking the hair coming back makes me feel good. I am also liking that I am eating better and not so much. I stop eating at 7 pm at night so thought that would help. So I better get the dinner on the table before then. I really got to get this weight off to save myself from more harm. I took a long walk yesterday so that helps. I felt really good yesterday loved it so much. Can't wait to have more days like them. My surgeon said I'll be feeling a lot better in a month shoot I'll feel better in two month he said and then talked about the hysterectomy too and how I'll feel better after that. I don't know going to be thrown into early menopause how do you feel good about that? Well the good thing is I haven't had a period for over two months now it is probably due to the chemo. I am not going to complain about that. Well it's now 5 am and my hubby is getting up I think I'll have some coffee with him. I'll write more later~ net