Great News!!

Hello,  I had my second ultra sound today for the spot on my right breast and lymph node under my right arm.  The good news is that I didn't have to have a biopsy today.  So happy about that and so praising God right now.  My surgery looks like it's going to be on the 26th. Well my mom and friend Rosa want to come up and be with me during the surgery.  The problem is driving during Thanksgiving weekend and my mom having a hard time leaving my brother who is ill with seizures.  It might be best they come see me after the first.  Then there is the weather issue too.  Oh boy I tell you if it's not one thing it's another.  I hope it works out they come and visit though would love them here.  I'll keep you posted.  Well I have felt good today not dwelling about the cancer or tired and sleeping a lot.  I probably should be in bed right now it's about 10:30 pm.  I have to get up early for the kids.  So I think I'll keep this short tonight and head to bed.  Thank you so much for the prayers and positive thoughts really appreciate it.   More later~

2 am post

Hello!! Well I am up at 2 am this morning. I had a dream that woke me up or it might have been my arm sticking out so pulled it back in and boy did it hurt. I am one strange person. I know.
Well had a whopper of a day with chemo class not such fun that is for sure. Get to hear about all the side effects of it. The nice thing about yesterday I got a nice quilt from the clinic that was sweet. I used it too, I took a nap once we got home from dinner last night. Felt so good to sleep loved it! I've been sleeping a lot lately. That is why I am probably up so early now. I was telling my husband Mark that the reason for sleeping is either I am escaping or just resting up for when I am not feeling well. Heck I am just tired that is all there is too it. I am loving the time I have to rest it feels so good too. It's from the time when having kids your sleeping isn't the same after kids. So I am making up for lost sleep nine years of it. Well this morning I am going to be going to have an ultrasound down today and possible biopsy.  I pray they just do the ultra sound.  Because if they do the biopsy that means it doesn't look good and they want to find out more.  Well I better get back to bed need to be rested for this morning.  I'll write more later~

4:15 am

Well another 4 am wake up day.  I can't sleep tonight for some reason.  I didn't take my xanax could that be why?  Or could it be my weird dreams?  Probably a little of both.  I had a rough day yesterday felt bad for a fellow group member.  He had his first bout of chemo and wasn't feeling well.  I started to cry once he left the room to go lie down.  I am scared of the chemo there is no doubt about that.  I wish there was another way I could beat this cancer instead of doing it with chemo. I wish I could do the vitamin C IV.  Have you heard of that?   I heard some where there is a place where they give you vitamin C injections a bunch of it mind you and it doesn't make one that sick and it kills the cancer.  Hmmm wish I can do that instead.  I have to find the CD I saw that on and find those doctors that were talking about it.  Sure would be better than the Chemo.  Sigh~  So anyway I did some crying yesterday a little more than I usually do.  I will be doing a lot of crying I am sure to the months to come.  As my grandmother would say it cleanses the soul.  I sure wish grams was around so I could talk to her she allows was a good listener.  Another Sigh~  I do think she is with me during this time helping me get through this just wish I could hug her right now.  I suppose she is hugging me as I write this letter.  Thanks grams!!  Well I sent off an email to the news about me fighting this battle of breast cancer.  I wrote KTVB in Boise, HLN and the Today Show.  I just want to reach out and help other women going through this.  I am hoping to share my story and if I can just get one woman to get a mammogram that would be so great.  Or if I can help that lady who is going through chemo just know she isn't alone right now.  I hope some one watches my videos and reads this blog.  I am not sure how to get a wider audience.  I'll work on that.  You know I am actually a pretty funny person, but for some reason not coming across very funny.  I want to show my sense of humor in my blog, but I guess it will come once the initial shock of finding out I have cancer wears off.  Not sure it will actually.  I may always be in shock knowing I have breast cancer.  Well any hoo~ I want to talk about my sweet kids they are doing well and going to school they seem to like their new school so that is good.  They aren't too keen on P.E. Hmmm wonder why?  He he probably because their mommy doesn't get much exercise and they learned it from me.  Laziness.  I need to show them that exercise is very important and they need to do it.  I take walks with the kids a lot so they know I do like to do some sort of exercise, but I have to admit the P.E. teacher is pretty tough on the kids at school.  Even the little first graders.  They'll survive gym class I suppose just need to show some support for my little sweeties.  Yeah the kids are holding up pretty well so proud of them.  In group we talked about when the hair starts to fall out when having chemo.  I am not too sure my kids will like me getting my head shaved, but I could just get a really short hair cut.  I will take them with me when it comes time for the hair cut.   I want my kids to know just about everything that happens to mommy.  I don't want to hide anything from them.  I ask them every night before bed if they have any questions.  I am glad I ask them so they know they can always come to mommy for answers and if I don't have the answer I'll get it for them.  So for the time being the kids are doing pretty good.  Oh did I tell you that I am going to start going to a counselor one on one starting next Monday?  Yeah I think it would be good for me besides the group.  Looking forward to talk to my Christian counselor soon.  Well I have genetic testing counseling today in Boise.  I told the kids they have to ride the bus in the morning they aren't too keen on that idea either..LOL  they like for me to take them to school.  I enjoy it too because soon one day they won't like me walking them to class so doing it all I can now as long as they let me.  Just love my kids so much!!!  They'll pull through this pretty well as long as mommy is brave and strong.  I'll give them a good fight of this C word as my boy would say.  No more saying the word cancer he says.  I am with him that is a bad word.   Well on that note I think I'll close for now.  More later~

Happy

It's a good day when you wake up and your President wins the election.  Yes I am all for Obama.  I live in a State that is mostly republicans.  So I am the odd one out here.  I don't care because I know who I like and I just feel he will do the best he can.  That aside I still have breast cancer.  I am feeling actually pretty good, but it's going to be a long road to hoe though.   I heard I don't get chemo until after Christmas.  I am glad because I want to get things ready for Christmas and have a good time with my family I can't wait.  It's going to be a nice Christmas I do believe.  I love getting all my Christmas decorations and decorate the house.  I believe the kids love it too.  It makes the house so warm and cozy.  We have a tradition in our house to put up the Christmas tree on Thanksgiving weekend.  It's so fun we love it.  We also started years ago to get the kids Christmas ornaments for the tree every year.  I think that is such a great idea.  So when they get ready to leave the house they will have all their ornaments throughout the years.   We go to the mall in Boise and look for our ornaments during Christmas time.  Looking forward to that very much.  Well I will be having my surgery soon a little nervous about it too.  It's an all day thing too.  I have to have dye put in my body to see if any cancer has gone into my lymph nodes.  I pray it hasn't.  I want to live a long and happy life with my children and husband.  I want to see my children grow-up.   I keep praying for that the most.  Well I heard that breast cancer is the second leading causing of death in the United States.  There is something I can do about that and that is take care of myself and do what I need to do for myself.   I really don't want Chemo or radiation, but if I have to do it to let myself live longer I am going to do it.  My kids need me.  So does my husband!  Well I think I am going to close for now going to do my video diary.  I wish everyone well and happy.  This too shall pass~  more later net 

MRI

All I have to say about the MRI is glad it is over with.  It's doable to get it done, but I have to be honest it was very uncomfortable for 35 minutes.   I kept thinking of the woman all over the world having to go through the same thing.  I also thought of my kids, husband and doing it for myself.  I had to be brave.  I even thought of Robin Roberts fighting the battle of breast cancer too.   Well they will know the results either on Tuesday or Wednesday November 7th.  Then I will have a call from the doctor's office to set up the surgery.  I am nervous about the surgery too.  I can get through this I can do it.  Even though there are times I just want to run.  The thing to do is fight!!  Well my son's teacher is very supportive every time she sees me she gives me a hug.  I was working at the kid's school today and she saw me.  She asked if I feel like anything is wrong and if I feel okay.  I told her I feel fine actually, but there are some days that I don't think about the cancer and other days I do.  Those are down days though.  Today is a pretty good day not thinking too much of it.  I love those days.  Well I have to do a video diary soon.  Talk about the MRI and how I am feeling.  I am sure the surgery will be very soon maybe even next week.  I have to remember to bring my bi pap machine.  Yeah I have sleep apnea as well.  I just recently got the bi pap machine so I feel much better with it.   It's a shame I am feeling much better a new lease on life and now have the cancer.  It totally is a huge bummer.  I know have energy and I am motivated with my bi pap machine.  Hopefully it will help me with having chemo I'll make sure I use it too.  I love my bi pap...I said that already..didn't I?   Well it's true.  My kids seem to be doing well as if nothing has happen as it should be.  They are doing so good in school so proud of them.  They got great report cards this last month.  Way to go kids mommy is very proud of you both!!!   Well I think I'll close for now and write more later~  net 

4 am

Well for some reason I woke up at 4 am.  I think I had enough sleep I guess.  Or who knows it could have been the dreams I had, oh wait it was from having diarrhea.  Yeah been having that for 3 days now..hmmm wonder what is going on.  Nerves maybe?  The radiation doctor asked if I was having any of that and I said no, but not now.  Hope it hasn't got anything to do with the cancer.  I know think every ache and pain is due to it.  I guess that happens blame it on the cancer.  It could mean I am just getting up there in age as well.  Darn aging process.  It happens to the best of us right?! 
Monday I have an MRI a little nervous about it, but just want things to be good inside my body.  I believe I can handle the test okay just Hope they don't find anything else going on in there.  I hope the cancer hasn't spread.   Both surgeons believe it's in stage 1 darn it thought if that is the case wish I wouldn't have to have Chemo.  That is because of the Triple negative.  Hate that triple negative darn it.  Curse you triple negative!!   I am nervous about the surgery as well who wouldn't be?   I do want to get that going and get this C word out of me.  My son doesn't like the word at all doesn't want us to say it in the house any more.  I don't blame him.  I'll just use it in my blog and on my video diary though.  I'll try not to say it in front of my little man.  I will not tell him how bad of thoughts I've been having.  If I can't tell you who can I tell?  I've been having thoughts that I am not going to be able to fight this cancer.  I don't know what it is, but I sometimes think that I am not going to be around long.  Is that because of just hearing you have cancer?  I know I shouldn't think those thoughts, but every once in a while they come to mind.  I just think of my kids growing up and I want to see that in my life and have grand babies too.  I just got to do that for them.  My surgeon was positive though he said "oh yes you are going to beat this."  That is encouraging.  He is very positive and I need that right now.  My husband Mark is very positive too.  I like the days when I don't even think that I have the cancer.  I love those days the most.  I just go on my normal life and just not even give it a thought.  I am thinking of doing a video diary right now too.  It could help others who maybe up worried at the we hours of the morning.  Hope all is going well.  I'll write more soon!  Thanks for listening to my blog.  Well reading my blog.  More later~

Day 15

November 2, 2012 I had a good visit with my second opinion surgeon yesterday. He was very informative and positive. It just came out of my mouth and I asked him if I were going to survive this breast cancer. He said yes you sure will. He was so upbeat and so positive I really liked that and so did my husband Mark. He wants me to have an MRI on Monday then we'll schedule the surgery soon. I think it will be in the next couple of weeks or in a week. We'll soon see. I did tear up with the doctor a few times. I think about my children a lot and it makes me tear up because I want them to be okay and not worry too much about mommy. I am also bummed out because I went through full-body radiation years ago that it's a shame I have to go through this again and it's worse this time. I have to have the chemo as well, plus the radiation. It totally sucks! Yes cancer Sucks!! I have a button that says that too. Should wear it. I have to think of ways I can help others because of this happening to me. Maybe it will come to me in a dream. I have some really good dreams and they really seem to be pretty accurate at times...well should I say they help me get prepared for what is to come. I dreamt if a beam of light shined on me it would burn me. I then had the radiation back in 1996. It all flooded back to me while up having full-body radiation. When I was pregnant with my second child I had a dream that I had breast cancer and yes it was in my right breast. So my dreams possibly come true or something like that. They prepare me for what is to come I suppose. I wish I seen the lottery numbers darn it. Would like to win the big money. Maybe my dreams are telling me to take care of myself. I keep dreaming lately that I am back in high school with all my classmates. I keep saying yeah but I am really 47 and I feel like I need to be back in high school my senior year. I guess I would have done it all over differently. If only I know then what I know now type of thing. I didn't like my dream saying I had cancer in my liver though..that would suck big time!! I think my brain is trying to process all of this and my dreams are just messing with me. Dreams are weird and all. Well I think it's time for bed it's 12 midnight. I'll write more real soon. Thanks for reading my blog. Hope you are doing well and thanks for all the prayers and positive thoughts.