Friendship!

Hello! This time a late night entry on the ole' blog. We just got back from a 2 hour drive. What we do for our kids. We went to a birthday party yeah we drove that far, it was for our son's best friend Amber. They known each other since Kindergarten they just love each other so much it's a real bond there. Friendship is to be cherished. I know that I am loving my new friendships it feels good to have friends. I have a new friend in Melinda she is a total sweetheart. She helps me clean my house when I am laid up and just is a very kind person. I am very blessed to have her as my friend. Well I went and got an infection on my left side of where my incision is. It's called cellulitis it's kind of painful to the touch it's no fun. I just hope it doesn't get too serious where I have to be hospitalized. I am taking anti-botics for it to help take care of the infection. I sure hope they work. I want to be well for my vacation coming up in June. My mom told me it's only like 20 days or so WOW!! The kids and I are going to have so much fun can't wait!! I plan on taking them to Whiskeytown lake maybe a couple of times we'll see, I know at least once. They will love it so much got to make a list and bring shovel and pail..LOL for Brenna she loves playing in the sand on the beach. Connor he'll be in the water for sure splashing around like a fish. They both are looking forward to the trip they say they can't wait to go to California. I just hope the road trip is a good one. I'll for sure bring the IPads that might help the time pass by faster for them. I am excited to see everyone especially after having the chemo and double mastectomy want to be surrounded by lots of love and positive energy. As I was writing my snail mail and sending out the flyers about my up coming Benefit I noticed that there is a lot of people I know in California. I just hope to see everyone if I can sure going to give it a shot. I might even get up to Folsom/Sacramento area to see some friends and family there we'll see how much I want to drive. I sent out flyers to my former doctor and my former employer and I asked them to possibly donate some items for the yardsale. I hope they do, it will help a lot. Who knows maybe they'll even come see me at the fundraiser that would be so awesome. Hey anything is possible! Well I hope it will be cozy at my mom's house when we come and stay. She bought us a new bed to sleep on and we are going to have our own room Yay! That will be really nice. Randy moved out into the garage he made it into a man cave..LOL Mom is working on the room for us to stay in. She says it's a chore because Randy has so much stuff, but they will get it done by the time we get there. It will work out I am sure. I call my mom just about every day to see how she is doing and also I want someone to talk to especially now with the cancer scare like to talk more than ever. You know when I get feeling kind of bad like not feeling good like pain or just feel crappy I get bummed out and get the blues and I sometimes feel like crying but I don't. Then something perks me back up and I am good to go again. This happened at a birthday party we went to last Friday night. I noticed a lot of people didn't even make eye contact with me or introduce themself to me. I didn't wear a wig so my bald head was blinding them..haha then I just felt bad and just sat on the chair yeah probably feeling sorry for myself to some degree, but I called my mom and felt better about things. I guess it's to be expected to feel the blues and just think geez it sucks that I got cancer. I haven't cried over my boobs being gone you know they were kind of too big anyway might of well let them go and take the weight off my chest. I know I use that a lot don't I? Well it's true they were very big and just a pain in the breast area not to mention the back too. Oh I fogot to say I got one of my drains taken out on Thursday. That is good news. I get the other one taken out on Tuesday. It will be very nice don't have to measure the fluid coming out of the Jackson Pratts. And won't have to carrying them around every where. It will be such a relief off my chest. Well I have been making my journals for the yardsale going to sell them for $5.00 dollars and for everyone one I sell I make one for the cancer care center here in Idaho. I want to give back to other women who are fighting for their lives. I think having a journal would be a nice touch of happiness. I am big on journal writing duh I like to blog that is like a journal. I think it helps me cope with all that is going on with the cancer and other things. I love writing so it keeps me going towards the positive. That is what I need right now is being very positive. So grateful I am NOT in a depression I couldn't handle that and having cancer too. That would be truly the pits. So I am very proud of myself for keeping my spirits up and thinking positive throughout this whole ordeal. My journey. It's going and it's going to get better. Good news my hair is coming back in. I am loving it too. Also the silver lining is that I believe all my hair is coming back even in the back. Years ago having the radiation treatments it made my hair not come back in, but this time I think it is, wow! I can have a full head of hair that would be so nice. Well I'll keep reporting about the new hair growth it will be nice if more comes out for when I make it to Cali I am sure a whole lot more will be coming out by then. I went and bought me some shampoo that helps with thinning hair I am hoping it works well. We'll soon see. Well it's just about past my bedtime. I think I will close for now and write more later~ Thank you! net

Doctors

Hello, Well another early morning blog 3 am. I didn't want to get up, but I thought one of my children called me so that woke me up. Turns out they are sleeping peacefully. I am hearing things I guess or was dreaming. I went to my surgeon yesterday and he said things look good, but the drains had to stay in due to the fluid output is still high so another ten more days of the drains...URGHH not too thrilled about that, but that beats the alternative a needle to drain the fluid off of the chest wall. I'll wear these Jackson Pratts as long as it takes. He said the reason for the large amount of fluid is because I was a large size breast. I guess it makes sense. Damn I was huge a lot of weight is off my chest. Okay I have said that joke too many times. But damn girl I was huge. LOL Yeah I do miss my breast at times, but not like before I am accepting of them being gone for now. I think I have phantom pains at times. I told my husband before the surgeries I would be able to handle the surgeries better than the chemo, sometimes I wonder while going through this if I can handle it. I guess I am handling it I am in it right now trying to get better. I know for a matter of fact I don't think I'll ever do chemo again it was horried feeling I can't even describe to you. I've come close to explain it, but you just have to live it in order to know what it's truly like. Lately I've been really worried about my family just don't want anything bad happen to them. I pray every night for them and I say I will trust God and believe in him to protect my family. My son has asthma that bothers me to some degree. I pray he out grows it. Well on a happier note pretty soon for our road trip the kids and I are looking forward to it. One day I want to take them up to Whiskeytown Lake and swim our little hearts out. The kids will love it there I have never taken them there before. It will be a blast. I'll go to the beach area and let them swim there that way I can watch them better too. We'll get some floating toys and air mattress' and have a good time. We'll bring a picnic of food as well. Hope mom wants to go as well we'll see how she will feel that day. My friend Rosa's sister has a patio boat so we might get to do that as well the kids will totally love that a lot. We may go camping one night at Shasta lake. Fun stuff!! Just can't wait to be surrounded by the love of family and friends. It will be so nice to have that loving support surround me. So I'll get there on a Friday so we'll have three weekends to hang out together with Liz, Rosa and John too. I'll probably hang out with mom a lot, but knowing her she'll sleep a lot so that is my exit to go out and see friends. She knows I am a social butterfly so it's a given. It's going to be hot when we are there so I hope the asthma isn't too much of a problem for Connor and all the pollen going to watch him carefully. I am looking forward to my benefit that my aunt is going to throw for me. I do hope to make some money to pay some bills it sure would be nice to get some of those out of the way. I am trying for financial assistants again for another hospital so we'll see how that will go. Anything sure does help. I get $200 hundred dollars from Cancer Care that will help me some too it's because I have the Triple Negative Breast cancer. I am trying to get more assistants from them as well. My aunt made those flyers for me and I sent them out to 15 friends might send them out to more people just so they know what is going on with the benefit for me. I could use a lot of support at this time. So the more the merrier I say. I wrote my former Doctor in Folsom asking him to join us and if he wants to donate any items for the yardsale. I told him I would pick them up if he had anything to donate. Yeah a trip to Folsom wouldn't be so bad it might be pretty fun seeing all my old co-workers. Connor wants to see his cousin Loren too. So who knows we could be making a road trip to Folsom hey it will be worth it getting donations. I need all the help I can get right now. I ask my Facebook friends for donations I don't get a lot of hits on that for some reason. Maybe it's too soon to ask. Or maybe they don't have any items to donate I am not sure, but I'll keep asking. My sister Cindy is coming to town that weekend of the fundraiser so that is nice. It will be good to see her again. She said she is bringing some things to donate so that is great. Looking forward to having a great time at my hometown. Well tomorrow is the doctor visit about the hysterectomy. He better not want to do it in June because sorry sucker I am going to California...LOL I bet you he will want to do it in June shoot I am not even healed from the mastectomy damn this doctors are too cut me up happy. Darn another surgery gosh what a huge pain to have another surgery yeah it sucks, but hopefully after that one I can heal and get on with life again. Right now it's all about getting well it's a little stressful though with all these surgeries and chemo, but chemo is over thank goodness so happy about that. They took the port out so no more chemo for sure. I will not get chemo again I don't care what anyone says to save my life or what it's just not worth the feeling of confusion and the way I felt. So no I will not have chemo again. I will do alternative medicine before doing that. Oh good news my hair is coming back and the best part is in the back of my head where it was very thin well it's coming all in with no bald spots so maybe that is another silver lining a full head of hair would LOVE IT!!! I am really liking the hair coming back makes me feel good. I am also liking that I am eating better and not so much. I stop eating at 7 pm at night so thought that would help. So I better get the dinner on the table before then. I really got to get this weight off to save myself from more harm. I took a long walk yesterday so that helps. I felt really good yesterday loved it so much. Can't wait to have more days like them. My surgeon said I'll be feeling a lot better in a month shoot I'll feel better in two month he said and then talked about the hysterectomy too and how I'll feel better after that. I don't know going to be thrown into early menopause how do you feel good about that? Well the good thing is I haven't had a period for over two months now it is probably due to the chemo. I am not going to complain about that. Well it's now 5 am and my hubby is getting up I think I'll have some coffee with him. I'll write more later~ net

Cali Trip!!!

Hello! well guess what time it is? Once again I am up at 2 am wanting to write on my blog. You know I haven't cried about my breast being gone I wonder if I am suppose to cry about them gone. I feel like I am accepting them being gone now. I just look at the scars and think wow the surgeon did a great job for what he had to work with. Me being so damn large breasted. I did tell you that I don't like the back fat right? That is what bothers me the most of everything. So mad at myself for letting me get so big. There is no excuse for this weight at all. I got to get it off of me that is my goal. One thing for sure is I can't believe I have to go through another surgery after having this one oh man it was a doozy, but I did very well with it. So that is a good thing, but another surgery it really sucks. Got to do what a woman has to do in order to prolong my life. Right?! I do want to see my kids being raised and have lots of anniversaries with my hubby. Oh another thing that bothers me is sometimes I have those thoughts like am I going to beat this cancer? I am reasured by my nurse navigators that I am going to beat this since I got it so early. Early detection is the best detection which I am told, but knowing I have the mutation gene bothers me so much. Darn mutation gene you put a cramp in my style. Well I am still here and I am fighting so that is the best I can do right now. So lets talk fun stuff. A month from today I'll be heading to California to see all my family and friends so looking forward to it. I do hope I get a nice turn out for my fundraiser not just for the money help, but to see a lot of people out supporting a local girl. I wrote KRCR news and asked if they would like to have a human interest story about me with triple negative breast cancer. We'll see if they call me it would be nice to get the exposure to help other woman and to talk about the fundraiser too. I was told I am being pro-active so that is a good thing. Well the kids and I are going to drive out to save money and that way I'll have a car when in town. My mom's car took a dive it's dead so that puts a cramp in things as well. I really do need a car to get around I have places to go and people to see.:-) I am going to be busy in California going to take the kids to Whiskeytown a few times so they can play in the lake. We might go house boating with my friend Rosa that will be a kick. I hope the kids have just as much fun as I do. Feel bad hubby can't go, he did say he wishes he could go, but he knows the job needs him at this time. A new job and all. Something bothered me what my mother-in-law said the other day have to share it. My daughter and I was having some chocolate. I know sugar isn't the best right now, but we were sharing a chocolate bar together and I asked if my mother-in-law wanted some. Then she said "no I don't want cancer." that hurt me. I told her chocolate doesn't cause cancer. She said well all the sugar though. I am thinking to myself and this woman has a dessert every night for dinner what about all the sugar she eats. She really knows how to make someone feel bad. I guess mother-in-laws are suppose to make smart ass comments just to pick on you. My husband says he has some mother/son issues he hasn't dealt with because she is driving him crazy lately. That is another thing mother's do drive one crazy. I suppose I'll do the same thing to my kids. Poor kids feel sorry for them now...lol My boy told me I embarrassed him the other day I felt bad too. I told him I was so sorry and he forgave me. I am going to do better from now on. The mom seems to get the blame for a lot of things when kids are younger they grow-up and say well mom it was your fault this happen and that happen. I just don't know why the mom gets blamed for everything probably because we make our children crazy saying dumb ass remarks when we should keep our mouth shut. Well to change the subject I am looking forward to having a fundraiser so thankful to my aunt Sharon for doing that for me. It will help me out so much my medical bills are stacking up sure I have insurance, but the little bills add up. I do have a few big ones as well insurance doesn't pay for all of the surgery so have to fork out some moola. It adds up. So at the fundraiser we are going to have a huge yard sale both Friday and Saturday and sell some food. I was thinking the kids could sell lemonade as well. It will be pretty hot out then. When we sold lemonade in or small town in Cambridge we also sold brownies they went fast too. So I think I'll keep the kids busy doing that. It would be fun for them. I believe my aunt is going to have some type of music entertainment as well. That will be nice. I am just so excited to be around my family and friends the rest is just a plus. I am also going to have a mini class reunion on June 22nd that should be fun if we get a good turn out. If not we'll sing karaoke and eat $1.00 tacos. yum yum!! I just want to parta that is what I want to do just celebrate the heck out of not having any more chemo. Yay!! I did write in my journal I hope people are excited to see me as I am to see them. Well my hands are itching pretty bad. My nurse said it could be a side effect of the chemo. It's a pain all that itching on the hands and I thought I was going to win the lottery..LOL That would be nice. So a month today is my fun day road trip!! It's going to be a blast wish I was waking up today for my trip but it will be here in no time. It is now about 4 am time for some shut eye. I wish everyone a happy day! more later~

Giving Back!

Hello it's 2 am and had to write about how I was feeling about the breast being gone. I was looking at my incisions tonight and was thinking wow it's not all that bad. Shocking really I think I am accepting of them being gone now. Sure I miss my breast, but it won't be too bad there are some positives for not having breast like I can run now with out getting a black eye..haha true story. I lost 11 pounds which is good for me. Also it's going to be nice to pick out my new size of breast. I believe going to shoot for a size C cup. I am not going for a triple D that would be crazy. I am looking forward to the prosthesis breast too. I plan to do that here soon I do believe it's about six weeks to get them. I'll have them for my vacation in June. That will be nice. I went about seven hours without pain medicine so that is really great. I can cut back to six hours taking the medication now. I just take half of the vicodine because it really works on me seem loopy. I had a friend that could take 12 of them and not phase her. Yeah addicted sorry to say. Yeah I was feeling my scars and it feels nice to touch them because I think I am accepting them gone now. Also I am able to think about a new set of breast in the future with the implants. I have to wait about a good year to get them done, but I do plan to go see a plastic surgeon in about 3 months I just want to see what he thinks and to move forward on this. It's nice to think of this now because it makes me think wow I am going to beat this cancer and win. Makes me feel happy to think about all the possibilities my life can do now. I do want to pay it forward when I am on my feet again. I plan to make journals for women who are going through cancer. I plan to make this books for them and I will place them around the cancer centers and American cancer Society. I think that would make me feel good to give back. I am looking forward to that very much. It will be good for me to make my crafts and share them with other cancer patients. So much has been given to me while taking this journey it would be so up lifting to give back when I am well. The next on the plan of recovery is a hysterectomy I plan on doing this after my trip to California in June. I am so looking for my vacation see friends and family it will be so good for me to be surrounded by lots of love. I think when I see my mom we'll both cry happy tears for getting to see each other after all this treatment and surgery it will bring us to tears. I know so much my mom wanted to be here for me, but she couldn't due to knee problem and my brother is very ill with seizures. So it makes it hard for her to travel. So I have accepted that as well not having my mother here with me. I do talk on the phone with her just about every day so that is like her being here for me. I love it!! My mom doesn't know it yet, but she has helped me through this even while she has been far away and I thank her for that very much. Looking forward so much to give back because I have gotten so much in return from all the support and lots of love. Well speaking of those pain pills I took one before writing this post. I better get to bed because I am feeling a little loopy right now. Thank you for all of your support lots of love coming your way. More later~ net

Feeling Chipper!

Hello everyone I am glad to say the surgery was a success. I am doing well at home just plugging along with the family feels good to get up and move around. I was moving around a half an hour after recovery so proud of myself. The nurse came in to tell me we were going to have a goal to get up at 5pm, but I got up at 2:15 pm not bad huh? I surprised myself at how well I was feeling and how chipper I was after surgery. Could have been all the drugs maybe. I was glad to move around though and by 5 pm I was actually up and walking the halls in the hospital. Mark was nervous about the surgery so he didn't make any calls to anyone, so they were waiting for a call. So when I called people weren't expecting me to call I was glad I did though loved talking to everyone. I had to call my mom first of course she was so happy to hear from me and said I sounded pretty good. I posted how I was feeling on Facebook right away as well to let other family and friends know. When I did get into my room Mark had a gift for me some note cards and a coin pink ribbon coin very pretty. I didn't write in my journal the whole time in the hospital I mostly made phone calls and talked to family and friends. It cheers me up a whole lot to talk to someone. I did a lot of talking to my nursing staff they were all so very nice. I was up every two hours so they had to take care of me I didn't mind good for me to talk it out as well. When I first saw that I was flat chested it shocked me. I lost 11 lbs of weight off my chest. The doctor said it was a good 25 lbs he might have been kidding me actually now that I think about it. I wish it was 25 lbs need to lose some weight bigtime! Mark went home and brought the kids to see me at the hospital. Mark was so tired he woke up with me at 3:30 am on that Monday morning so it was now about 4 pm he drives home to get the kids then they stay until about 7pm then drives home again. He was a tired guy, but stayed up until 10pm that night. It was lovely to see the kids they seemed to be okay with everything. I believe as long as mommy is doing well then things will be fine. They went to school like things are normal as possible and they seem to be doing totally AOK. I ask them if they have any questions about surgery or anything that is on their mind. Sometimes they have a question so I answer them to the best of my ability. Well I came home on Tuesday afternoon felt tired, but in good spirits felt nice to be home, but I have to admit I like the hospital get to have someone take care of me. I rested when I got home from the hospital my mother-in-law was here to help me all week. I really appreciate the help from her. She really has been doing so much for us. I was getting along pretty well at home moving around pretty good. I had to watch out for my balance so mama brought me a cane so I wouldn't fall down. Eleven pounds is a lot of weight on your top part so had to be careful especially down steps. I did fine and was glad to be moving around the house so well. I did a lot of resting while at home in the morning I would take a nap after the kids went on the bus. It felt so good to sleep. I would then wake up and mama would have some lunch started for me. We would eat lunch and talk. One day I had to buy Mark an anniversary card so we hopped in the car and we went down to the Family Dollar Store. I ended up buying a few other items for the kids two books and snacks they loved it. It was nice getting outside and feeling that sun on my body. I loved it when the kids got home from school I actually walked to the bus stop as well and picked up the kids with mama. I think they enjoyed that a lot. The bus driver Carol thought I was a strong woman she said "when I grow-up I want to be just like you." she is cute. Loved seeing my babies off the bus. They come home and play games or watch T.V. that was okay with mommy they needed some down time. Well I am still doing pretty good it's almost been a week tomorrow will be a week since surgery. I am still feeling chipper and hopeful of the future. Mark and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary Saturday it was a nice day together with the whole family. We went shopping which was nice to do that having the money now. Mark got to buy things he hasn't in a long while like some shirts for work. He has been going to home depot getting some plants and some items he needs for the garden. It's nice to see Mark feeling good about things. He has been so overwhelmed the last 6 months with our house in Cambridge and financial situation it's been a real hardship on Mark. I felt so bad for him and then his wife is ill on top of that. Poor guy he kept saying "they have a padded room with my name on it some where." Then on top of all this his mom kept having her troubles so that made it hard on Mark too. Well things are going pretty good so far so good. I am in some pain so I take my pain medicine which helps a lot thank goodness for them. I take a half of one most times sometimes I take a whole one if I think the pain is going to be worse. It's time for another pain medicine by the way. So I think I'll close for now. Thank you all for the support it's been interesting for me. I am so happy chemo is over now I can get back to life again and feel good. I am cutting back on my intake of food so working on losing weight as well. Oh when I got home I saw the scars and I felt some saddness of losing my breast, but what really bothers me the most is all the back fat I have it looks like Frankinstien it doesn't look good at all. I am mad at myself for letting myself gain so much weight. I am ashamed of myself for letting myself go for so long. I am worth it to take care of myself and I do plan to do that now that I am getting better. Thank you again! Annette

Happy for Mark!

Hello, Well in four days I'll have some weight lifted off the ole' chest..bahahaha got to laugh at myself. For those that know me I am a triple D so yeah a lot of weight coming off. It's going to be strange losing my breast, but I have to remember what I am doing it for. To prolong my life. I believe I told you before, but I tested positive for genetic testing so there is an 80% chance of getting breast cancer again if I keep my breast. I don't want to go through chemo again and I don't want radiation again either. Yeah had full body radiation back in 1996 no thank you! Gosh I wish I could win the lottery instead of getting all these rare diseases. Well a wish came true I was hoping people would have brought dinners for me during chemo, but they are going to bring them the week of recovering for surgery. That is so awesome I am so happy about that. It will take a huge load off my husband's and mother-in-law's mind. I am so appreciated of it I can't even express it on paper...computer...LOL You see I went to church one Sunday yeah I don't go that often which I should. I know should've, could've, would've. Anyway I noticed this lady singing up at the church and thought how beautiful her voice is. I thought she was the friend of my new friend Lenae, but it turned out the gal by this lady was Lenae's friend. Well after the service this gal I noticed came up and asked if she could pray for me. I said I would like that so she said a wonderful prayer for me. She didn't know I had cancer but wanted to pray for me. Well fast forward to Saturday's Easter egg hunt at the park. She saw me bald and all and she wanted to give me her business card so I can call her any time. Well I did call her two days ago and now she has started the meal train for me. her and a lady named Janet. It's so sweet. This lovely new friend is Melinda an angel from God. I am so grateful for the help it makes me feel so good to have such the love and support from people from the church. Well do you want to know how wonderful God is he answered my prayers, but they were on his time. You see I've been praying for my husband to get a good paying job and one that he loves. Well I kept praying and praying and nothing happened. My husband kept having all these interviews, but no one would hire him. I started to feel bad for Mark because how many times could someone be rejected and not feel the burn? So I kept praying and praying. Well all of a sudden pretty much when I started to feel better after chemo the phone rang for another interview for Mark. This time the prayers were answered Mark got hired. He was thrilled and so was I. Then another job interviewed him and they were going to pay 40 dollars an hour. It does sound to good to be true so Mark is still up in the air with that job. Also another interview happened for Mark and this one is for the State so if this one calls him he will have a decsion to make. God is so good he waited until I was done with chemo because you see Mark got to go to every chemo treatment with me and if he gotten a new job that wouldn't have happen. So I believe God waited until I was done with chemo and I felt better for Mark to get a new job. Isn't that grand? I am so happy for Mark. He is happy too now that he is making what he is worth. Well he is worth a whole lot more in my book, but you know what I mean. His other job just wasn't paying good. Well there you go God does answer prayers and I have proof. Thank you God! I want to thank everyone that is supporting me it means a lot and thank you so much for the prayers he is helping me cope with this so well. I am grateful for not becoming depressed he is keeping my spirits up and it feels great. God is giving me a sense of humor about all of this breast stuff from the cancer and from getting the mastectomy and even from the chemo. I heard a new one chemo fog. I was calling it chemo brain which I had it pretty bad a lot of confusion, but got by okay the kids didn't laugh at me too much forgetting things or saying weird stuff too. Well look at me staying up until 1 am better get some sleep now. I'll write more later~ net

Getting Energy Back

Hello, Wow a good day yesterday didn't feel like sleeping all day that is good for me. I cleaned my daughter's bedroom yesterday and felt normal what a great feeling! Today I didn't go right to sleep after putting the kids on the bus. I got to say this is very good for me. I even feel good to write on my blog Yay for no more chemo!!! So what is next is the bilateral mastectomy April 22nd. I am nervous about the surgery, but I met a lady at Costco that went through a double mastectomy herself. She came up to me and asked if I was bald under my hat. She said she was bald three years ago and had the mastectomy also. I got all her info so I can keep in touch with her about the mastectomy. It helps to have someone to talk to about all this. I have joked about my breast how big they are they are about 40 lbs a piece well it sure does feel like it..LOL Also I'll have 6 million dollar breast once the reconstruction is done. They can rebuild them they have the technology..bahaha. Yes going to have reconstruction I'll have perky breast again and smaller size. I am going to feel so strange with no breast it's going to be weird it kind of freaks me out a bit. I think I am going to have Mark take a picture of my breast just to have a picture of them because it is hard to think that they will soon be cut off. It will be hard to lose my breast just writing about it now makes me feel scared to lose my breast. I have had them now for 47 years so I have grown very fond of them. The reason why I am doing this is because I don't want radiation treatment and there is an 80% chance of getting breast cancer again. I just have to do this to prolong my life. Also if I don't do the mastectomy I will have to have a mammagram every 6 months and an MRI every year. Have you had an MRI on your breast oh man I barely fit in the machine it's the worst 35 minutes ever. I guess I shouldn't really say that for others that have to go through this. I am sorry, but I did get through it it's just tough process. You can do it!! Well I am going to close for now and get busy having some energy. Yay!! I do want to take a few mintues to think about all the victims of the Boston Marathon my prayers are with the families and friends. more later!