No more Chemo!!

Hello, Well chemo was over March 13, 2013 Yahoo is right so gratful it's over now. I am still feeling like a bad trip on drugs and not feeling good at all. I am sorry I haven't wrote on here for a while just haven't been feeling good. Yeah I rang that bell three times the kids were with me too. So happy they got to be with me to ring the bell. So now they know mommy is on her way of getting well. I just have to do some surgeries the hysterectomy and the bilateral mastectomy yeah I have decided to do the mastectomy because it will save my life I believe or at least prolong my life. If I don't get it done it will be 80% chance of getting cancer again. That is a huge percentage I don't want to deal with right now. I also don't want to have radiation. So going for it. I am pretty nervous about the hysterectomy it's coming up here in April so it's pretty soon actually. Mark is going to take some days off for me and mother-in-law will be here too for me. So I'll have some help. I keep thinking I'll be able to handle the surgeries better than I handled the chemo. I am not sure when the mastectomy is going to happen maybe in June or July there goes my summer huh?! I am still planning on going on vacation to my hometown in June now for a celebration and to see all my family and friends. It will be a good time can't wait to see everyone and have some fun. Then come back to another operation then I can start getting well. I really never thought about how I would feel when I lose my breast, but come to think of it yeah I am going to be a huge bummer going to have some grief the lost of my breast it's going to be a big deal. Yeah it's weird that I didn't think of that before. Mark did and that is why he wants me to do reconstruction. It makes sense to do that reconstruction so I plan on doing that. I hope insurance pays for it that would be great. I'll be looking into it here soon. I am going to a plastic surgeon about the reconstruction. Just got to get the referral from my surgeon first. I see my surgeon in April so we'll see what he says about the mastectomy and when the up coming surgery will be. I am real nervous about that surgery because it's such a big one taking off my breast yikes yeah I am very nervous. Wow when I see it on paper it freaks me out even more. The taking off my breast it's going to happen it's the only way right now. I am sure partial to my breast that is for sure..LOL Going to miss them. Well I'll pull through it and be okay. My kids are doing well they are hanging in there pretty well just going with the flow like kids do. They got good grades in school so proud of them. I love them so much!!!! My husband is doing pretty good as well he got a good paying job finally Yahoo!! Yeah it's great! He is excited to be helping out the family with more funds. He is still in college working on that as well. He passed his test today way to go honey bun!! Proud of you!! Well that is what is going on now in my life. I hope you are doing well and thanks for reading my blog. More later~

Hello! I was doing pretty well until I got a cold with fever. I thought I had an infection, but I guess it's just a cold and hopefully the show will go on this Wednesday for my last treatment. I want to finish so bad don't want to have anything come in my way of that. HOpe my blood work will show good numbers on Wednesday. I want to ring the bell in the cancer room with my kids by my side. I think they'll get a kick out of it too. I believe Mark will even like the sound of that bell ringing so he'll know it's my last treatment. He'll probably will ring it with me. It's been a rough road for my husband as well. He has been worried about me, but he has been so positive and very supportive. Well as some of you know going to have surgery for a hysterectomy in April. Yeah the De Venci robot is going to be doing it's thing on me. My son is pretty excited about it too. We got to see it the other day at the hospital. It's amazing piece of equitment. It does freak me out still some robot working on me. I am sure the doctor will be doing the work, but just an idea of the robot there is weird to me. If it helps the doctor well then bring it on. I guess the bummer part of the surgery is the day before where I have to be cleaned out. I have the yuck stuff to drink. The doctor said I'll want to punch him in the nose for driking that stuff, darn it. The good thing is it will be better in the long run he said. He'll be able to see a lot better and it will be easier for me after surgery. So I guess bring that on too. I'll see how tough I really am. People say how strong I am, but boy I wonder if I can take any more of this. I still have another surgery to go with the mastectomy. Yeah I have decided to do the bilateral mastectomy as well. I am going to miss my breast it sucks so much to be doing all this, but I have to in order to prolong my life. I am not suppose to take to big of glup all at once. I just have to get done with the chemo first. It's reality though for me so it's too hard to not think of all this at once. It's going to happen so better get used to it now. I did think about the time the kids and I had made a lemonade stand and how good I felt then. I wish I was feeling like that again. People say I will feel good again that is the day I will welcome so much. I need to think of that day more than the ill days. It takes me about a week or two to feel better after chemo. Well my kids are doing well they are just about done with the Climb program. They did make worry boxes last week and my daughter is worried that I will die. My poor little sweetheart such a heavy heart for a little girl to carry right now. I do my best and tell her mommy isn't going to die right now. I have a long life to live and I told her I have to watch her be raised and see my grandkids. I can fight this battle and I will win! As for my boy he is more worried about what he can watch on T.V. when he gets home from the climb. He is funny, glad he isn't too worried about mom though. They are excited that we have a membership at the YMCA now. They can't wait to swim and have some fun. Brenna wants to do the gymnastics oh so does Connor. Fun Fun for them. I'll have to sign them up for that real soon. This is a good thing for us as a family too. Now to pull Mark away from his school work..NOT!! that won't happen he is working hard at it. Mark had an interview with the Dept. of Ag and he didn't get the job. It's a bummer he really wanted the job too. Gosh something has to come around for Mark. I've been praying for him to land a good job too. I feel for my husband he has tried for so many jobs, what does it have to take for him to get the job he wants? A friend suggested he do a video of himself answering questions then play it back to see how he did. That way he can see if he makes any mistakes. I wonder what it could be? I wish they would write back and let him know what it was why they didn't hire him so he would know and work on it. Something has to come his way he had an interview on Wednesday just maybe this is the job for him. We'll see I'll keep on praying. Mark is such a great employee I wish the people could see what a great worker he is. One day it will happen for him. So anyway that is that in a nut shell. As for me I am doing okay just a little nervous about the surgery and my last chemo. Just wish the doctor would say no more chemo Net!! That would be music to my ears. Wishful thinking huh? A girl can wish can't she? I have been having some bad thoughts at times. I seem more thinking about dying like getting in a car accident. Driving is a little scary for me these days. I get real nervous when we have to travel to Boise for the Climb program because it's about 30 minutes away so I worry about us making the drive. I don't know why I am so worried about it, but I am. I just don't want anything to happen to my family and I on the road. I guess I should take my xanax when times like that scare me. It might settle my nerves a bit. I have to take the meds for when I have the last chemo as well because I get real worried about all the side effects. Yeah I might take two this next treatment..LOL just kidding I'll make it through this it just takes a lot of courage and strength. I can do this!!! So on that note I guess I'll close for now. Thank you for your support and I'll write more later~ net