Losing weight!!

Hello! It's that time again to write on the blog. I got another infection yeah it's the pits, but it happens I guess with a major surgery. I have to take some more anti-botics. I guess another 10 days. There is good news happening I am losing weight. I am 19 lbs down since the surgery so that is a good thing. I am doing pretty good too. I am eating things I like, but protion control and eating before 7 pm at night. I don't eat antying after that time. I think that really helps a lot. I am walking a lot too. Feels good to get some of this weight off and walk more. I might not be real skinny when I see everyone next week, but I'll look a little better I think my mom will notice for sure. Moms are good at that kind of stuff. Looking forward to my trip, but to tell you the truth I've been so tired lately was thinking about postponing it a few days out. I think what I'll do though is take two days to drive it this time around. I don't want to get too tired on the way there. It will work out I'll be so excited to get on my trip I'll have some adrinaline kick in so I'll be good to go. My mom is getting her place ready for us too. Randy her roommate moved everything out of the bedroom so now the kids and I can stay in there have our own room. Totally cool! Mom is sewing curtains for the room as well. I am glad I am staying a long time because I don't want to just come down for a few days and turn around and come back home that isn't any fun. I want to take my time and have a good time. I plan to take the kids to the lake on one of the days when down there in my hometown. They have never been there so it will be a treat for them. It will be for me too since I haven't been there in a long time myself. My good friends are going to be there as well Rosa and Liz fun times. Looking forward to my fundraiser yard sale/BBQ too. That is June 14th & 15th @ 9am. If need more information please contact me on Facebook or email me. I sure hope we get a good turn out really want to see my friends so much and sure a few bucks would be nice too. Have to pay those medical bills you know. HAHA okay not funny it's pretty serious all those bills coming in, but pay a little bit at a time that is all I can do right now. I am also looking forward to my mini class reunion that will be a hoot us singing Karaoke fun stuff can't wait. It's time for me to do some celebrating chemo is over and I am going to let my hair down..haha well try to any way. My hair is coming out I am using this new shampoo I bought for fine and thinning hair. I have to say I think it's working because I am getting a lot of compliments on how fast my hair is growing out. Well I just got great news my friend that I had years ago back when I was in my twenties is coming to my fundraiser. His name is Chris. It's going to be so great to see him. Can't wait!! Gosh we go way back. That is so nice of him to come see me during this time when I need a lot of support. What a guy!! Well it's getting late I better get my beauty sleep..LOL More later~~ net

Friendship!

Hello! This time a late night entry on the ole' blog. We just got back from a 2 hour drive. What we do for our kids. We went to a birthday party yeah we drove that far, it was for our son's best friend Amber. They known each other since Kindergarten they just love each other so much it's a real bond there. Friendship is to be cherished. I know that I am loving my new friendships it feels good to have friends. I have a new friend in Melinda she is a total sweetheart. She helps me clean my house when I am laid up and just is a very kind person. I am very blessed to have her as my friend. Well I went and got an infection on my left side of where my incision is. It's called cellulitis it's kind of painful to the touch it's no fun. I just hope it doesn't get too serious where I have to be hospitalized. I am taking anti-botics for it to help take care of the infection. I sure hope they work. I want to be well for my vacation coming up in June. My mom told me it's only like 20 days or so WOW!! The kids and I are going to have so much fun can't wait!! I plan on taking them to Whiskeytown lake maybe a couple of times we'll see, I know at least once. They will love it so much got to make a list and bring shovel and pail..LOL for Brenna she loves playing in the sand on the beach. Connor he'll be in the water for sure splashing around like a fish. They both are looking forward to the trip they say they can't wait to go to California. I just hope the road trip is a good one. I'll for sure bring the IPads that might help the time pass by faster for them. I am excited to see everyone especially after having the chemo and double mastectomy want to be surrounded by lots of love and positive energy. As I was writing my snail mail and sending out the flyers about my up coming Benefit I noticed that there is a lot of people I know in California. I just hope to see everyone if I can sure going to give it a shot. I might even get up to Folsom/Sacramento area to see some friends and family there we'll see how much I want to drive. I sent out flyers to my former doctor and my former employer and I asked them to possibly donate some items for the yardsale. I hope they do, it will help a lot. Who knows maybe they'll even come see me at the fundraiser that would be so awesome. Hey anything is possible! Well I hope it will be cozy at my mom's house when we come and stay. She bought us a new bed to sleep on and we are going to have our own room Yay! That will be really nice. Randy moved out into the garage he made it into a man cave..LOL Mom is working on the room for us to stay in. She says it's a chore because Randy has so much stuff, but they will get it done by the time we get there. It will work out I am sure. I call my mom just about every day to see how she is doing and also I want someone to talk to especially now with the cancer scare like to talk more than ever. You know when I get feeling kind of bad like not feeling good like pain or just feel crappy I get bummed out and get the blues and I sometimes feel like crying but I don't. Then something perks me back up and I am good to go again. This happened at a birthday party we went to last Friday night. I noticed a lot of people didn't even make eye contact with me or introduce themself to me. I didn't wear a wig so my bald head was blinding them..haha then I just felt bad and just sat on the chair yeah probably feeling sorry for myself to some degree, but I called my mom and felt better about things. I guess it's to be expected to feel the blues and just think geez it sucks that I got cancer. I haven't cried over my boobs being gone you know they were kind of too big anyway might of well let them go and take the weight off my chest. I know I use that a lot don't I? Well it's true they were very big and just a pain in the breast area not to mention the back too. Oh I fogot to say I got one of my drains taken out on Thursday. That is good news. I get the other one taken out on Tuesday. It will be very nice don't have to measure the fluid coming out of the Jackson Pratts. And won't have to carrying them around every where. It will be such a relief off my chest. Well I have been making my journals for the yardsale going to sell them for $5.00 dollars and for everyone one I sell I make one for the cancer care center here in Idaho. I want to give back to other women who are fighting for their lives. I think having a journal would be a nice touch of happiness. I am big on journal writing duh I like to blog that is like a journal. I think it helps me cope with all that is going on with the cancer and other things. I love writing so it keeps me going towards the positive. That is what I need right now is being very positive. So grateful I am NOT in a depression I couldn't handle that and having cancer too. That would be truly the pits. So I am very proud of myself for keeping my spirits up and thinking positive throughout this whole ordeal. My journey. It's going and it's going to get better. Good news my hair is coming back in. I am loving it too. Also the silver lining is that I believe all my hair is coming back even in the back. Years ago having the radiation treatments it made my hair not come back in, but this time I think it is, wow! I can have a full head of hair that would be so nice. Well I'll keep reporting about the new hair growth it will be nice if more comes out for when I make it to Cali I am sure a whole lot more will be coming out by then. I went and bought me some shampoo that helps with thinning hair I am hoping it works well. We'll soon see. Well it's just about past my bedtime. I think I will close for now and write more later~ Thank you! net

Doctors

Hello, Well another early morning blog 3 am. I didn't want to get up, but I thought one of my children called me so that woke me up. Turns out they are sleeping peacefully. I am hearing things I guess or was dreaming. I went to my surgeon yesterday and he said things look good, but the drains had to stay in due to the fluid output is still high so another ten more days of the drains...URGHH not too thrilled about that, but that beats the alternative a needle to drain the fluid off of the chest wall. I'll wear these Jackson Pratts as long as it takes. He said the reason for the large amount of fluid is because I was a large size breast. I guess it makes sense. Damn I was huge a lot of weight is off my chest. Okay I have said that joke too many times. But damn girl I was huge. LOL Yeah I do miss my breast at times, but not like before I am accepting of them being gone for now. I think I have phantom pains at times. I told my husband before the surgeries I would be able to handle the surgeries better than the chemo, sometimes I wonder while going through this if I can handle it. I guess I am handling it I am in it right now trying to get better. I know for a matter of fact I don't think I'll ever do chemo again it was horried feeling I can't even describe to you. I've come close to explain it, but you just have to live it in order to know what it's truly like. Lately I've been really worried about my family just don't want anything bad happen to them. I pray every night for them and I say I will trust God and believe in him to protect my family. My son has asthma that bothers me to some degree. I pray he out grows it. Well on a happier note pretty soon for our road trip the kids and I are looking forward to it. One day I want to take them up to Whiskeytown Lake and swim our little hearts out. The kids will love it there I have never taken them there before. It will be a blast. I'll go to the beach area and let them swim there that way I can watch them better too. We'll get some floating toys and air mattress' and have a good time. We'll bring a picnic of food as well. Hope mom wants to go as well we'll see how she will feel that day. My friend Rosa's sister has a patio boat so we might get to do that as well the kids will totally love that a lot. We may go camping one night at Shasta lake. Fun stuff!! Just can't wait to be surrounded by the love of family and friends. It will be so nice to have that loving support surround me. So I'll get there on a Friday so we'll have three weekends to hang out together with Liz, Rosa and John too. I'll probably hang out with mom a lot, but knowing her she'll sleep a lot so that is my exit to go out and see friends. She knows I am a social butterfly so it's a given. It's going to be hot when we are there so I hope the asthma isn't too much of a problem for Connor and all the pollen going to watch him carefully. I am looking forward to my benefit that my aunt is going to throw for me. I do hope to make some money to pay some bills it sure would be nice to get some of those out of the way. I am trying for financial assistants again for another hospital so we'll see how that will go. Anything sure does help. I get $200 hundred dollars from Cancer Care that will help me some too it's because I have the Triple Negative Breast cancer. I am trying to get more assistants from them as well. My aunt made those flyers for me and I sent them out to 15 friends might send them out to more people just so they know what is going on with the benefit for me. I could use a lot of support at this time. So the more the merrier I say. I wrote my former Doctor in Folsom asking him to join us and if he wants to donate any items for the yardsale. I told him I would pick them up if he had anything to donate. Yeah a trip to Folsom wouldn't be so bad it might be pretty fun seeing all my old co-workers. Connor wants to see his cousin Loren too. So who knows we could be making a road trip to Folsom hey it will be worth it getting donations. I need all the help I can get right now. I ask my Facebook friends for donations I don't get a lot of hits on that for some reason. Maybe it's too soon to ask. Or maybe they don't have any items to donate I am not sure, but I'll keep asking. My sister Cindy is coming to town that weekend of the fundraiser so that is nice. It will be good to see her again. She said she is bringing some things to donate so that is great. Looking forward to having a great time at my hometown. Well tomorrow is the doctor visit about the hysterectomy. He better not want to do it in June because sorry sucker I am going to California...LOL I bet you he will want to do it in June shoot I am not even healed from the mastectomy damn this doctors are too cut me up happy. Darn another surgery gosh what a huge pain to have another surgery yeah it sucks, but hopefully after that one I can heal and get on with life again. Right now it's all about getting well it's a little stressful though with all these surgeries and chemo, but chemo is over thank goodness so happy about that. They took the port out so no more chemo for sure. I will not get chemo again I don't care what anyone says to save my life or what it's just not worth the feeling of confusion and the way I felt. So no I will not have chemo again. I will do alternative medicine before doing that. Oh good news my hair is coming back and the best part is in the back of my head where it was very thin well it's coming all in with no bald spots so maybe that is another silver lining a full head of hair would LOVE IT!!! I am really liking the hair coming back makes me feel good. I am also liking that I am eating better and not so much. I stop eating at 7 pm at night so thought that would help. So I better get the dinner on the table before then. I really got to get this weight off to save myself from more harm. I took a long walk yesterday so that helps. I felt really good yesterday loved it so much. Can't wait to have more days like them. My surgeon said I'll be feeling a lot better in a month shoot I'll feel better in two month he said and then talked about the hysterectomy too and how I'll feel better after that. I don't know going to be thrown into early menopause how do you feel good about that? Well the good thing is I haven't had a period for over two months now it is probably due to the chemo. I am not going to complain about that. Well it's now 5 am and my hubby is getting up I think I'll have some coffee with him. I'll write more later~ net

Cali Trip!!!

Hello! well guess what time it is? Once again I am up at 2 am wanting to write on my blog. You know I haven't cried about my breast being gone I wonder if I am suppose to cry about them gone. I feel like I am accepting them being gone now. I just look at the scars and think wow the surgeon did a great job for what he had to work with. Me being so damn large breasted. I did tell you that I don't like the back fat right? That is what bothers me the most of everything. So mad at myself for letting me get so big. There is no excuse for this weight at all. I got to get it off of me that is my goal. One thing for sure is I can't believe I have to go through another surgery after having this one oh man it was a doozy, but I did very well with it. So that is a good thing, but another surgery it really sucks. Got to do what a woman has to do in order to prolong my life. Right?! I do want to see my kids being raised and have lots of anniversaries with my hubby. Oh another thing that bothers me is sometimes I have those thoughts like am I going to beat this cancer? I am reasured by my nurse navigators that I am going to beat this since I got it so early. Early detection is the best detection which I am told, but knowing I have the mutation gene bothers me so much. Darn mutation gene you put a cramp in my style. Well I am still here and I am fighting so that is the best I can do right now. So lets talk fun stuff. A month from today I'll be heading to California to see all my family and friends so looking forward to it. I do hope I get a nice turn out for my fundraiser not just for the money help, but to see a lot of people out supporting a local girl. I wrote KRCR news and asked if they would like to have a human interest story about me with triple negative breast cancer. We'll see if they call me it would be nice to get the exposure to help other woman and to talk about the fundraiser too. I was told I am being pro-active so that is a good thing. Well the kids and I are going to drive out to save money and that way I'll have a car when in town. My mom's car took a dive it's dead so that puts a cramp in things as well. I really do need a car to get around I have places to go and people to see.:-) I am going to be busy in California going to take the kids to Whiskeytown a few times so they can play in the lake. We might go house boating with my friend Rosa that will be a kick. I hope the kids have just as much fun as I do. Feel bad hubby can't go, he did say he wishes he could go, but he knows the job needs him at this time. A new job and all. Something bothered me what my mother-in-law said the other day have to share it. My daughter and I was having some chocolate. I know sugar isn't the best right now, but we were sharing a chocolate bar together and I asked if my mother-in-law wanted some. Then she said "no I don't want cancer." that hurt me. I told her chocolate doesn't cause cancer. She said well all the sugar though. I am thinking to myself and this woman has a dessert every night for dinner what about all the sugar she eats. She really knows how to make someone feel bad. I guess mother-in-laws are suppose to make smart ass comments just to pick on you. My husband says he has some mother/son issues he hasn't dealt with because she is driving him crazy lately. That is another thing mother's do drive one crazy. I suppose I'll do the same thing to my kids. Poor kids feel sorry for them now...lol My boy told me I embarrassed him the other day I felt bad too. I told him I was so sorry and he forgave me. I am going to do better from now on. The mom seems to get the blame for a lot of things when kids are younger they grow-up and say well mom it was your fault this happen and that happen. I just don't know why the mom gets blamed for everything probably because we make our children crazy saying dumb ass remarks when we should keep our mouth shut. Well to change the subject I am looking forward to having a fundraiser so thankful to my aunt Sharon for doing that for me. It will help me out so much my medical bills are stacking up sure I have insurance, but the little bills add up. I do have a few big ones as well insurance doesn't pay for all of the surgery so have to fork out some moola. It adds up. So at the fundraiser we are going to have a huge yard sale both Friday and Saturday and sell some food. I was thinking the kids could sell lemonade as well. It will be pretty hot out then. When we sold lemonade in or small town in Cambridge we also sold brownies they went fast too. So I think I'll keep the kids busy doing that. It would be fun for them. I believe my aunt is going to have some type of music entertainment as well. That will be nice. I am just so excited to be around my family and friends the rest is just a plus. I am also going to have a mini class reunion on June 22nd that should be fun if we get a good turn out. If not we'll sing karaoke and eat $1.00 tacos. yum yum!! I just want to parta that is what I want to do just celebrate the heck out of not having any more chemo. Yay!! I did write in my journal I hope people are excited to see me as I am to see them. Well my hands are itching pretty bad. My nurse said it could be a side effect of the chemo. It's a pain all that itching on the hands and I thought I was going to win the lottery..LOL That would be nice. So a month today is my fun day road trip!! It's going to be a blast wish I was waking up today for my trip but it will be here in no time. It is now about 4 am time for some shut eye. I wish everyone a happy day! more later~

Giving Back!

Hello it's 2 am and had to write about how I was feeling about the breast being gone. I was looking at my incisions tonight and was thinking wow it's not all that bad. Shocking really I think I am accepting of them being gone now. Sure I miss my breast, but it won't be too bad there are some positives for not having breast like I can run now with out getting a black eye..haha true story. I lost 11 pounds which is good for me. Also it's going to be nice to pick out my new size of breast. I believe going to shoot for a size C cup. I am not going for a triple D that would be crazy. I am looking forward to the prosthesis breast too. I plan to do that here soon I do believe it's about six weeks to get them. I'll have them for my vacation in June. That will be nice. I went about seven hours without pain medicine so that is really great. I can cut back to six hours taking the medication now. I just take half of the vicodine because it really works on me seem loopy. I had a friend that could take 12 of them and not phase her. Yeah addicted sorry to say. Yeah I was feeling my scars and it feels nice to touch them because I think I am accepting them gone now. Also I am able to think about a new set of breast in the future with the implants. I have to wait about a good year to get them done, but I do plan to go see a plastic surgeon in about 3 months I just want to see what he thinks and to move forward on this. It's nice to think of this now because it makes me think wow I am going to beat this cancer and win. Makes me feel happy to think about all the possibilities my life can do now. I do want to pay it forward when I am on my feet again. I plan to make journals for women who are going through cancer. I plan to make this books for them and I will place them around the cancer centers and American cancer Society. I think that would make me feel good to give back. I am looking forward to that very much. It will be good for me to make my crafts and share them with other cancer patients. So much has been given to me while taking this journey it would be so up lifting to give back when I am well. The next on the plan of recovery is a hysterectomy I plan on doing this after my trip to California in June. I am so looking for my vacation see friends and family it will be so good for me to be surrounded by lots of love. I think when I see my mom we'll both cry happy tears for getting to see each other after all this treatment and surgery it will bring us to tears. I know so much my mom wanted to be here for me, but she couldn't due to knee problem and my brother is very ill with seizures. So it makes it hard for her to travel. So I have accepted that as well not having my mother here with me. I do talk on the phone with her just about every day so that is like her being here for me. I love it!! My mom doesn't know it yet, but she has helped me through this even while she has been far away and I thank her for that very much. Looking forward so much to give back because I have gotten so much in return from all the support and lots of love. Well speaking of those pain pills I took one before writing this post. I better get to bed because I am feeling a little loopy right now. Thank you for all of your support lots of love coming your way. More later~ net