Giving Back!

Hello it's 2 am and had to write about how I was feeling about the breast being gone. I was looking at my incisions tonight and was thinking wow it's not all that bad. Shocking really I think I am accepting of them being gone now. Sure I miss my breast, but it won't be too bad there are some positives for not having breast like I can run now with out getting a black eye..haha true story. I lost 11 pounds which is good for me. Also it's going to be nice to pick out my new size of breast. I believe going to shoot for a size C cup. I am not going for a triple D that would be crazy. I am looking forward to the prosthesis breast too. I plan to do that here soon I do believe it's about six weeks to get them. I'll have them for my vacation in June. That will be nice. I went about seven hours without pain medicine so that is really great. I can cut back to six hours taking the medication now. I just take half of the vicodine because it really works on me seem loopy. I had a friend that could take 12 of them and not phase her. Yeah addicted sorry to say. Yeah I was feeling my scars and it feels nice to touch them because I think I am accepting them gone now. Also I am able to think about a new set of breast in the future with the implants. I have to wait about a good year to get them done, but I do plan to go see a plastic surgeon in about 3 months I just want to see what he thinks and to move forward on this. It's nice to think of this now because it makes me think wow I am going to beat this cancer and win. Makes me feel happy to think about all the possibilities my life can do now. I do want to pay it forward when I am on my feet again. I plan to make journals for women who are going through cancer. I plan to make this books for them and I will place them around the cancer centers and American cancer Society. I think that would make me feel good to give back. I am looking forward to that very much. It will be good for me to make my crafts and share them with other cancer patients. So much has been given to me while taking this journey it would be so up lifting to give back when I am well. The next on the plan of recovery is a hysterectomy I plan on doing this after my trip to California in June. I am so looking for my vacation see friends and family it will be so good for me to be surrounded by lots of love. I think when I see my mom we'll both cry happy tears for getting to see each other after all this treatment and surgery it will bring us to tears. I know so much my mom wanted to be here for me, but she couldn't due to knee problem and my brother is very ill with seizures. So it makes it hard for her to travel. So I have accepted that as well not having my mother here with me. I do talk on the phone with her just about every day so that is like her being here for me. I love it!! My mom doesn't know it yet, but she has helped me through this even while she has been far away and I thank her for that very much. Looking forward so much to give back because I have gotten so much in return from all the support and lots of love. Well speaking of those pain pills I took one before writing this post. I better get to bed because I am feeling a little loopy right now. Thank you for all of your support lots of love coming your way. More later~ net