Grateful

Hello, How is everyone doing these days? I am doing well after surgery thank goodness that is over with. It wasn't so bad, but four surgeries in one year is too many. Just happy they are behind me now. I have to knock on wood because don't want any more surgeries until next year when getting reconstructive surgeries for new breast. Yeah I think I am going to go for it get new boobs. My daughter keeps asking me if they are going to grow back. Well they could actually if I go through with the surgeries. I really have missed my breast these last few weeks. I haven't worn my fake boobs for a little while due to the hysterectomy. Maybe I'll wear them tomorrow just to make me feel better about myself. I notice a difference when I don't wear them. My confidence isn't that great and I feel just not like myself when I don't have them on. Well I actually have been in menopause since February the chemo put me through that real fast, but now with the hysterectomy I feel even more well just blah some days. I feel like I have an empty pit in my stomach. Maybe I am grieving the loss of my uterus and ovaries. It could be I have had them all my life. I feel like I am in a little bit of a slump. Well I am not going to college now I decided to let that go until I am fully healed and also to let Mark finish his college. I think one of us going is enough for now. I have to say I am very proud of Mark for working full-time and going to school full-time not sure how he is doing it. He is sacrificing a lot with his family right now. He misses out on a lot of stuff he does come up for air once in a while and that is when we get to talk to him. He is a trooper though just working so hard and doing an excellent job both at school and at work. They love him at his job. He feels proud to be working for the State and I am so so proud of my man. Keep up the good work honey bun. You know I don't think he reads my blogs, but that is okay he has other things to do for now. I do have to say that I am looking forward to Thanksgiving I am very thankful to be alive and well so looking forward to making the Turkey and all the fixings. I just wish I had someone to come visit me, hint hint friends, mom. hmmm don't think they read my blog either..LOL I am batting a 100 right now aren't I? The only one bummer part of this Thanksgiving is mark only gets the Thursday off and has to work Friday...boo. Well at least he gets the weekend off so we can put up our tree. Yep it's a tradition to do that on Thanksgiving weekend. I love it so much I think the kids really get a kick out of it too. They get to see all their neat ornaments over the years we have gotten them. They are so fun to see again every year. Yeah you can say I am ready for the holidays. I have a lot to be so thankful this year. Did you know on October 17, 2013 will be a year knowing I had cancer? Yep it's just about a whole year and I went through some crazy bad ass stuff. It's amazing I still have my wits about me and not depressed. I am so grateful for that too. Because I know depression all too well it's not fun being mentally ill. Yeah I will say it I have an illness of the mind called major depression and I am so very grateful that during the whole process of the cancer I didn't let it effect my brain. The chemo had a field day with that, but I didn't let it rob me of anger. Wow it blows me away that I didn't become depressed it's serious folks some how I held my head high and came out a winner. Thank you God. I am still fighting like a girl and I am going to beat this. Now to beat the weight issue I tell you that is one battle that is a hard road to go down. I know I can do it because I have lost weight, but I tell you I am having struggles with it. I know I can do it but just staying committed that is key. You know wish I had some money I would hire a personal trainer and my own personal chef that would be a dream come true. Well I think I'll go dream about my weight loss success story and write more later~ net