Feel the Burn!

Hello! Well it's 3 am and that is when I do most of my writing on my blog. I tell Mark that this is when I am the best creatively. Actually I was up because my daughter came and got me like I told her to if she starts to cough too much. She is now sleeping so I believe she'll hang in there. We plan to go to the movies tomorrow morning to see the movie Frozen. My husband wants to see it too. It looks really cute love the snowman in the film. So let's see what's on my mind lately. I have been thinking about Brendan a lot and wish him well and my prayers go out for him. Cancer Sucks!! I wish him well and he has a good recovery from surgery coming up soon. It's real hard when you have known someone you grew up with and they get cancer makes you think of your own mortality. I have been thinking a lot about dying lately every since I got diagnosed with breast cancer. The good thing is I would be with God, the bad thing is I would hate to leave my family and that bothers me. I am not sure exactly why I am thinking about dying shoot I guess everyone thinks about it from time to time, but I've been a little OCD about it. Maybe because I have the mutated gene and my chances of getting another cancer is high so yeah I am a little freaked out about it, but try not to get me down. I have to go on and live life heck I am not dead. KEEP CALM and LIVE ON~ that is my new motto. I just put it on Facebook. I want to stop thinking about dying and start living. I do have a lot of time on my hands because I don't have a job outside the home. I haven't got anything to sink my teeth into like school or work, but I do have my lovely children to care for and that is a good thing. I just have these thoughts it could be that I am reaching the good old ripe age of 50 and I just not looking forward to being 50 it blows me away. I think geez I don't remember my 30's all that well. The best thing that happen to me in my 30's is I met Mark got married and had our first baby that was the best years of my life. Then turning 40 had my baby girl so amazing. I do remember my forties much more than 30's the first half anyway. I feel like I needed to try and get this weight off along time ago. I am upset with myself for keeping the weight on. I know medication plays a roll in my weight gain, but geez I can at least try to get it off. Well I am not going into my 50's heavy doing something about it now. I did think that I might have to tweak my calorie intake to less than 1550 calories though. I am thinking more like 1300 calories instead. That could work for me to lose this weight. You see I was 276 last week the flu bug and working out, but now I gained five pounds back. It really bothers me. My trainer and I are working on weight lifting now so maybe I am gaining muscle we all know it weighs more. I know it's going to take a while for me to lose weight like at least a year, but I get so impatient with the process. I keep thinking to myself that is okay next year at this time I will be down in my weight so that is what keeps me going. I also think of what this gal said on YouTube yeah I watch success stories helps motivates me. Well she said I don't care what you do as long as you are moving the weight will come off. That is stuck in my brain. So if I keep working out and keep moving I'll will get this weight off. The last two days I've been going to the gym once in morning and again in the evening. The kids are coming with me because I want them to see me working out and just maybe it will grow on them and they will know we have to take care of our bodies start them young. I love the thought of me working out now because my chances of the cancer is less percentage of coming back and that is terrific. I will refuse to have it come back so working out strong. Last night worked out really good with cardio forty minutes on the treadmill uphill and ten minutes on the bike. It felt so good to feel the burn. I really enjoy my trainer he works me out where I can handle it and I know it's going to help me in the long run so can't wait to work with him twice a week. I've decided though not to hire him in February because I so much want to go to California in March for spring break so need to be able to afford it. A trainer is a lot of money so I am taking that money and going to California. I need this trip really bad just miss everyone so much. I feel lonely lately too without my friends and family around the Holidays so I am going on that spring trip if Mark likes it or not. Sorry Mark, but a woman has to do what a woman has to do. I don't want the kids hanging around the house watching T.V. or the IPAD we will have a much better time in California seeing my mom, brother and all my friends. Fun times! I am hoping to be down about 24 lbs. by then too that would be sweet. I am looking forward to the trip very much so. I need it now actually, but I'll wait. Patience is a virtue. It will be a blast not just for me, but for the kids they need to see everyone in California especially grandma Jeanne, uncle Jeff and Randy. I am so looking forward to it. Love having a plan to go some where. Mark won't be coming with us again he has to work, but he will be fine for a week. Now my Bailey girl she might not like me gone my sweet dog. It's better than three weeks like in the summer when we were gone that long. Mark missed us really bad and us him. Well it's 4 am now time to get back to sleep. I'll write more later. Thank you for reading my blog. Net