Day 4 of Breast Cancer

October 20, 2012,
 
              This is day four of knowing I have breast cancer.  I was diagnosed on October 17, 2012.  I had my daughter have a play date with her friend Lacey today.  I was talking to Lacey's mom Kristal and told her I had breast cancer and she said you seem so calm, but she doesn't know I am screaming on the inside.  Yes it was a hard day today I was thinking the worst case scenario.  I know shouldn't be thinking like that, but it just came to mind.  I did do a lot of driving today so my thoughts were all over the place.  We went to the old house today got another load of stuff and brought it to the new house.  While I was in town I got to see a couple of friends they both cried when they saw me.  It brought tears to my eyes.  It was an emotional day today.  It doesn't help that I am tired.  I stayed up until 3 am last night talking to my good friend Jessica.  We were co-workers together at one of my favorite jobs in Folsom Ca.  Jessica has heard it all from depressions to disliking my husband at times. Now she is getting an ear full with me going through this Breast Cancer.  Thank you Jessica!! 
           My husband Mark and I were talking tonight and Mark believes that they will take it (lumpectomy) out and everything will be fine.  I love his positive thinking also my friend Liz thinks the same thing and among other friends and family are thinking wonderful positive thoughts.  I thank you all for your prayers and postitive energy during this time.  
           I want to tell you the day I found out about the cancer.  I got on the phone and told every family member I could reach and all my friends.  I didn't have time to cry or really let it sink in.  To tell you the truth I knew it was cancer just had a feeling.  Of course the radiologist gave it to me straight that day of the ultrasound and mammogram and he did say it can or can't be, but he was leaning more that it was.  So I knew deep down inside it was.  Even though the day I was told I kept saying benign, benign please come back benign.  Throwing that poistive energy out into the Universe. So anyway that same night when I found out I went to bed and started saying my prayers and when I started praying for my kids I couldn't stop crying.  I couldn't finish my prayer for my children.  All I thought was I want to see my kids grow-up.  I was crying pretty good too, but Mark never even woke up.  So I did have a good cry just hoping, praying that I get to see my kids grown and hopefully see some grandkids would be a sweet gift.  
          I started a video diary as well about this process of having breast cancer so hopefully I can help other woman going through the same thing.  It's on YouTube