Husband

Hello! Wow another weekend and my husband is still feeling stressed out. I wish he had a place where he could go and talk to someone. He doesn't have anyone he can talk to about what is going on. Well there is resources out there, but knowing him he will keep it all in and then what take it out on us during the weekend? That is what is going on it seems he is just a bear lately. He is doing a lot of complaining about not being able to do his homework. When I am feeling good he shouldn't have a problem with it right? Well today he was doing everything else except his homework. I am taking the kids to church tomorrow so he can concentrate on his studies. I hope when we get home he isn't so upset and pissed off. It's starting to wear on me. Makes me feel kind of bad especially when I am in the chemo mode everything is 10 times worse when you feel lousy. Hearing him feel like he is going to lose it makes me feel really bad. I am going to have him talk to my counselor this coming up next chemo treatment. I think it might help him a lot. He really needs a support system himself. It's tough for all of us right now. Well some good news we got our old place rented out so that will have some weight off the shoulders also the renter's dad is going to be checking the heaters and water for us so Mark doesn't have to go up every weekend. I hope that works out for him a lot better. Poor mark is just overwhelmed right now. I think about if the tables were turn I would be feeling so bad for him right now. I don't think I would tell him I was going to lose it though, but I guess I have when I was in a bad depression so yeah I did tell him I have lost it..LOL Maybe Mark is calling out for help or something. I wish I could help him more. I've been so bad I've been keeping some of my medical bills away from him so he won't get more stressed out. I need to be open and honest with him about that. It's just that there are so many of them coming in it's mind bloggling even for me. Things should be okay just have to call all the bills and get them straighten out. I can only pay what I can pay and that is all I can do right now. Well as for me I am feeling much better these days. I cleaned the house today which felt great the whole family got into it. Oh the bad thing that happen to me the other day I was feeling a little anxiety about dying young. Yeah I kept thinking I am going to die young. I guess that goes with the territory once you are diagnosed with cancer. I also am smack dab in the middle of chemo and that feels like one is stuck in the treatment. I want to get out of this and on to the other side of the tunnel. Like see some light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard at this time to see any light yet. I will though one sweet day just have to take one day at a time right now. I was also very tearful the last few days not sure where that is coming from I figured because I just wasn't feeling good. We went to the CLIMB program last week and as soon as I walked in to the room I started to cry. I wasn't feeling very good, but went for my children. They had a good time they made picture frames for me they are lovely. We had a great meal together and the parents got to talk about some issues that are bothering us and how we hope that the Climb program will help our children. I hope the kids get out of the program how to talk about their feelings and hope they understand it's okay to be angry, but how to deal with that anger. I think the program is going to be so good for the kids they will get a lot out of it I am sure. Mark and I will get to have some date nights. Mark is a poo head though because everytime I say date night all he sees is dollar signs. Well he better be seeing some dollar signs and take me out once in a while. It kind of bothers me that all he sees is dollar signs shoot aren't I worth it to be taken out on a date? Geez back in Folsom we had so many discussions about date night. I still don't think he understands that I want to go out on a date once in a while. Well now he has no choice in the matter every week we get to be together if he likes it or not. We can go to a Starbucks and have some coffee once in a while. Have a nice dinner too. We'll see something we can do together without paying too much. Well I guess I'll stop bashing on my husband now. He is a good guy don't get me wrong just has some issues that are going on with him and he'll figure them out I'll help him. He has been bringing up his little brother who had died as a young child from brain cancer. That might be haunting him. He was pretty much not told anything about his brother while he was sick. Mark mentioned today he wished they would have had the CLIMB program for himself as a young boy. I think a lot of feelings are coming up for mark now. I hope he finds a way to talk about them. Okay well it's time for bed. I'll write more later~ net