My Friend Rosa

Hello! Oh man have I been so tired the last few days. I really have been knocked down on my butt and it has been the third week of chemo. I thought I would start feeling good, but no just a round of kick annette's butt week. I slept for the most part for two days. I guess I really needed the sleep so I went with it. Saturday I felt a little better, but wasn't ready to run any races. It's Sunday right now about 4 am in the morning. I woke up because my daughter was coughing. Oh boy a sick child that isn't what I need right now. I don't want any infections when having chemo. I did have a dream where I had to take a bunch anti-biotics...yikes hope that dream doesn't come true. I also had another dream that every time I touched the ground it would burn me and everyone else around me. I just wonder about that astroid that is coming close to the earth. Yeah I am freaked out about it. Have you heard about it an astroid is coming very close to Earth hope it passes us by. With all these meteors coming lately it just makes me wonder. It seems like I am worried a lot these days about things. I know should read the serenity prayer. There are some things I just can't control right?! I have been having lots of thoughts about dying young these last week. I even called the hotline to talk it out. I guess it goes with having cancer I suppose especially getting cancer at a young age..hey I am still young..lol even though 50 is knocking on the door. Can't believe I'll be 50 in wow 3 years. That blows, me away! I hate those bad thoughts I am suppose to be thinking about Hawaii when I get those kind of thoughts going through my mind. I also have been really worried about my kids too. I just hope they stay healthy and happy. Having kids sure makes one worry it does me anyway. There is a lot of joy in having children too. I think I'll stick to the joy part. It's easier on the ole' brain. Well I'll be celebrating my birthday on Tuesday that is if the Earth is still in one piece on Monday. Yeah my friend Rosa plans to make me a nice dinner and make an ice cream cake. Yeah I know I told this all before it is just so sweet of her. Monday Rosa will be here can't wait to see her. You just don't realize how neat it is to have a friend here when you are going through chemo it means the world to me. Friends do something for you when in times like this they lift your spirits and spoil you. I am going to love having my friend here so much. The kids are excited for her to come as well. They keep asking when she'll be here. I hope today I feel good enough to clean the house and get ready for her. I know Rosa she won't care if the house is dirty, but still we want it to look nice for her. I am going to have a massage for my birthday that will be lovely can't wait for that. Rosa and I plan to go to the movies or go bowling that night should be fun. I would love to take the kids, but they have school the next day so it looks like it's just Rosa and I for that night. Then Wednesday is chemo day. I am thinking to have Rosa come into my counseling session with me. I'll see what Lesa will say or if Rosa wants to even do that. Mark is going to see Lesa as well that day. I hope he opens up to her and talks about what is bothering him. He needs a support team as well. I hope he reaches out and doesn't fight it. He had a little bit of a hard time yesterday, but he kind of pulled it in and had a better day. He just wants the peace and quiet to study. It's hard for him he is working full-time and going to college man he has a lot on his plate right now. I go and to top it off didn't finish the laundry for him. I did all his clothes, but man it was a chore for me I hated doing it too for some reason. It seems like the easiest chores are so hard for me lately. If I could I would have someone else do the cleaning for me. Yep I am not afraid to say that let them have it I'm done with housework. I don't mind doing the dishes making sure my kitchen is clean, but man when I am in chemo brain oh man I can't do a thing. I tried to find a cleaning service for my area, but they are booked up so no one can come clean my house. They do it for free too. A few people said they would, but I feel weird asking them to clean my house. I was proud of myself the other day I did the vacuuming, dishes, mopping and dusting last week of course I felt a lot better than this weekend. I am getting the kids to help out too. Making sure they stay on top of their rooms. I don't want them filthy like sometimes they get. There is no reason why they can't stay clean. Connor wants to make an allowance so if he keeps his room clean then that would be great. I think he would love having an allowance that gives him some pride in his work. Now to speaking about how much of funds he will get have to talk to daddy on that one. I think what I'll do today is make a chore chart with the kids and if they keep their rooms clean every week then they'll get an allowance. I know I should have been doing this a long time ago, but every time I do a chart it just goes out the window for some reason. I don't keep up with it, but I am going to this time. It's going to be one of my goals to better ourselves in 2013. My good friend Jessica gave me an idea too. She told me she was doing things for herself in 2013 like put on make-up and earrings every day. Even if you are home just put on some make-up to feel better about one self. I don't do that shoot I don't even put make-up on when I go to the store. Shoot I have new wigs and a bunch of new make-up I need to do that for myself. So that is going to be a goal of mine too. It will lift me up so much and maybe I should wear a wig more often too. Mark bought me a wig cap so now the wig might feel some what better for me. The only thing is Connor kind of likes me being bald he says he likes me to show off my bald head. I guess he is getting used to it now. Now for Brenna she likes me to cover my bald head she tells me to put the hat back on even when it's hot outside. Yeah not a fan of the bald head. I am going to make a point to show Brenna that I am putting on make-up every day so she knows that taking care of yourself is important and doing things for you is a good thing. I think I'll even get her involved in helping me put on my make-up. She'll love that so much. She gets a kick out of make-up so that is good she is all girl. My little man is all boy. Oh I got a great birthday gift from my friend Jessica. You see I asked her a few years ago to do an astrological reading of my children so I could understand them a lot more. Well it was in the mail I finally got them. It's exciting to read about your child astrology. I can maybe better understand them. I know some people don't believe in it, but I was raised on this by my grams so it's interesting to me. My grams did a reading for me and it was dead on too. I loved it wish I still had the tape of that reading. It was so right about me it made me cry not sure why I cried, but I did. It was very touchy I think that is why I cried it really hit a nerve in my soul. I look forward to reading the charts soon to know just a little bit how my children tick. fun stuff. Well it's getting earlier in the morning it's about 6 am now time for me to go back to bed. I am still wide awake though knowing me I can find other things to write about, but I'll close for now. More later~ net