Stress Test

Hello, The stress test is behind me now. Yeah got a call to have it done today. Glad to have it behind me and it went well too. I didn't get up to at least 75% though for a good test, but at least didn't have any discomfort just shortness of breath though. Oh and my blood pressure was a little too high when excercising. So I have to make an appointment with my family doctor to get that under control. While driving home today felt broken. What I mean is that my body is broken plus my mind. Yeah I also suffer from major depression. Last night I was writing my term paper on mental illness in the emergency services. Yes I am going to college to obtain my bachelor's degree hopefully by the time I am 48 years old. That is my goal. Well now I have a little detour with the breast cancer. I am going to give it my best try to finish. So anyway I was working on my term paper and I was discussing about when I am depressed as well, it probably doesn't make me feel any better now that I brought up some old feelings of the depression. I also am tired because I stayed up late last night and got up early this morning. I'll sleep good tonight. Today I also had an appointment for my sleep doctor, but missed it due to the stress test. I was hoping to see how my bi pap is working for me now that I swtiched to the nasal mask. Did I tell you I also have sleep apnea? Man I tell you no wonder I feel broken because of all my medical issues. Yeah just had some of the blues today. I don't feel I am getting depressed, but better keep on track so I don't. I see my psychiatrist next month so that will work out pretty well. I don't see my support group this week because of Thanksgiving, but that is okay it's going to be a nice Thanksgiving. I am looking forward to it and Christmas too. We might not have a lot this year, but at least we have each other that is all it matters. You know I did think about screaming in the car today and hitting the steering wheel a few times. I kept it cool and just kept driving. I wonder if I am becoming angry to some to some degree? It's possible, but I might get more angry with the Chemo we'll soon see. I want to start going to one on one counseling on a regular basis just need someone to do that with yet. I did like that chaplain at the cancer center, but not sure if she has the time to see me every week. I am sure she will make time for me if I wanted to see her. I guess I'll just ask or look into seeing someone at the place I am going to have chemo done at. In time I'll get it all figured out I suppose. I still need to get the surgery which I am nervous about that as well. I sure hope that goes smoothly. They haven't set a date yet, but it's soon. Maybe the 29th or 30th of November. As I write this I might get a phone call to let me know. Well I called my mom a couple of times already today. Told her what I was feeling like with being broken she understood, but reasured me I wasn't. I even called my husband and told him my feelings and he also reasured me I wasn't broken either. I got to stop saying that broken word huh? I think I want to take a shower and feel better. I think I will close now and take a hot shower or a bath maybe and do some reading. Well I hope I didn't bring you down at all just sharing my feelings with you. Thanks for your support and prayers. net~