5:30 am post

Hi! I woke up early this morning about 5:30 am probably because I fell asleep about 8pm last night. Yeah I was tired from staying up the night before chatting online on Facebook. Yeah I am a chatter love to talk to friends. It seems more so lately though. I am calling anyone that will listen to me it seems these days. I notice that it's hard for me to be alone during the school days for the kids. I just want to talk to someone it seems. Don't get me wrong when the kids are at school it's nice to have the quiet time sometimes I take a nap or write in my journal, but for some reason lately I am finding people who I can call or chat with online. I am not sure where that is coming from, but maybe I am reaching out to talk it out about the cancer, treatments and just how things are going. Now it's about my hair falling out. Yeah it does bother me to some extent just like what a bummer losing my hair. I don't think I'll cry over it though shoot my hair is so thin now it might be nice it's going to be shaved off. I tell you though I am going to get a nice wig that is for sure. Can't wait to see some of them. I hope they have the wig that my husband wants me to have. A brown shoulder length straight wig. The gal who finds wigs for me Lindsey she said she'll look at all types and bring into me on Wednesday during the chemo. She also will fit my head as well. Today is the day though I am going to shave me head yeah this afternoon. I have a gal in my support group that cuts hair for a living and she said when it came time she would do my hair for free. Isn't that nice? I like free!! Well we'll see how it goes with the kids how it will effect them if any thing. I hope they will be okay with it. I asked if they want to come with me when the gal shaves it, but Connor doesn't seem he wants to go, but Brenna is okay with coming to watch. I want them to be involved with the whole process so they know what is going on. I think that climb will help them that is coming up soon. The program just for kids it teaches them how to deal with anger, sadness, hurt, happiness and all kids of emotions. It teaches them about the cancer and they take tours of the cancer rooms so they won't be afraid. I just can't wait until they start the class it will be so good for them. It last six weeks so that is something they can look forward to every week. It will give Mark and I some time to be alone every week as well. We can go hang out at Starbucks drink some coffee and talk or Mark can do some of his homework. The program for the kids offers them dinner as well so that is neat. Maybe Mark and I can go out to dinner once in a while too. Well last night Brenna was able to sleep over at Molly's house, but every time I tried to live she came running out crying. So after 3 times of doing that I said lets go. I felt bad for Molly, but Brenna has some sparation anxiety for letting me go. It could be that she knows I am not feeling well. She does this at school as well. I feel for her, but I told her she is a brave little girl she can do it. Mommy's little girl. One day she'll be over that and then I'll be sad that she doesn't need her mom much, so going to take all the loves I can now. I love my kids so much, but they do need to do things on their own once in a while. They will I am not going to rush it. Geez I can't believe I woke up early today darn it would have loved to sleep in today. Well that is what I get when I fell asleep on the couch at 8 pm. Mark was waking me up to go to bed and I was saying, but I want to sleep he said you need to go to bed. This went on for about a few minutes and then he told me, but you need your bi-pap machine. I got right up and went to bed didn't even brush my teeth that how tired I was. Boy did it feel good to go to sleep. Well I got ahold of the Moose lodge yesterday they called me. They for some reason want to talk to my aunt first so we'll see if anything comes of that. I was just wanting to set a date to have the fundraiser, but they want to talk to Sharon first. I told them I didn't want to impose on my aunt right now Sharon could be busy with other things right now, but they wanted to. I hope they call me this morning and we can set those dates in May. My friends have been giving me ideas on what types of fundraiser we could do. We'll figure it out. Barbara has been getting back to me that is nice she really wants to get this thing off the ground. It's so nice to have people to help you. Rosa is stepping up to the plate as well going to help too. I feel blessed to have such great friends. It will be such a great feeling to be surrounded by friends and family when I come to town in May. Looking forward to it so much. I wrote some old friends and they said they are going to join me for the party. I'll call it a party instead of a fundraiser. The reason is because it's going to be a celebration of no more chemo! Sure can't wait for that day! Well my husband is doing better he isn't feeling so sick these days yeah he had a cold. He also had some anger he has a lot going on with him. His wife is ill and bills are rolling in he has a hard time keeping it all together sometimes we all do. He has a lot on his plate poor guy. Well I hope he knows I'll do all I can to help him. I've called some of the business where my bills are from and got to make payments so that will help some. Sure do hate having them over our heads though. I do hope the fundraiser will help us because it would be nice to get rid of all the bills haunting us. It will work out okay. Well I am going to close for now I hope all have a great weekend! More later~