Proud mom!

Hello, Well it's about 10:30 pm and I am getting ready to take my 12 hour dose of steroids before tomorrow's chemo. I am a little nervous about it. I am going to stay strong and know I can get through it. I just have to for myself and my loving family. I think I told you this before what bothers me most about chemo is all the harsh side effects. I can handle losing my hair that is fine with me since I did it before in 1996 from full-body radiation treatment. I just don't want the bad side effects like sores in the mouth, trouble breathing, you name it I don't want it. I haven't felt like crying well I did have some tears when watching Parenthood tonight a teenage boy was crying it made me tear up a bit. I am more just a little jumpy it could be all the steroids and the coffee I drank today. My nurse told me that I might not sleep well tonight because of the steroids, but I think I will be okay sleeping. I'll take my nite time medication and I should be fine with sleep. I also wear a bi-pap machine oh shoot I need to bring that tomorrow for the treatment. My nurse says they may give me something to calm my nerves and it might make me sleepy so if I sleep need my bi-pap machine. Good thinking on my part. I love my machine it works so good. It's a shame I just get going good on my bi-pap machine and then I get cancer what a huge bummer. My life was changing ever since getting my machine I had a new outlook on life and oxygen was getting to my brain so man I felt so good. Then boom breast cancer happen. Well this is a bump in the road so have to deal and get on with life. And speaking of getting on with life my friend Liz also wants to come on the cruise with Rosa and I. Yeah Rosa thought of a 50th birthday cruise and before I even knew I had cancer I told Rosa we have to do it now. I am not going to wait four years for a awesome fun time. I am going to try and do it this year. HOPE HOPE!!! It will give me a goal and something to look forward to. Well just wrote my friend Ron who is a travel agent and asked him to look up prices for me for a Baja cruise sometime in October or November. We got to start saving for it now. We also have to get our passports too. I have to tell the girls about that. So yeah I want to travel I want to take my husband to Ireland one day and the kids on a Disney cruise too. That would be such a blast for them. I would love it also go see the Caribbean LOVE IT!!! I can't wait to start my life once treatment and surgeries are over. I say surgeries because I am thinking about having two. Yeah you know I have the genetic gene and now I have an 80% chance of getting breast cancer again and that is in the first five years or longer. I really don't want to have it again and if that means saving myself from it I might consider the bilater mastectomy~ SIGH yeah I have to start thinking about it now because after chemo is radiation and if I have the masectomy I wouldn't have to have radiation so that is another pro in my book. I also think about having no breast because the ones I have are so big it might be nice to be smaller one day. I am not sure if I would do the reconstruction of my breast I could just have fake breast and be on my way that wouldn't bother me at least I don't think it would at this time of my life. It's really something to think about, but right now I need to fight to be okay with the chemo so I'll put that on the back burner for now about the mastectomy. Well it's now 11 pm I took my dose of steroids so far so good. I am getting a little tired too. I haven't taken my nite nite meds yet I will once I write this blog. Well I wish I could be a lot more funnier I used to be in my letters to my mom, but I guess it will come with time. Right now I have a lot on my mind and I am not as funny as I used to be. I'll get there again right now I am in serious mode. Well something neat to report and that is my son is writing in his journal. I am so so proud of him. He wrote his goals down, things to do list and reminders. That is so great I am such a proud mommy. I am big on keeping a journal, so him doing that is awesome. He told me tonight he wants to write a novel. One of my dreams too. I told him I have kept over 50 journals and one day if he reads them he might be able to write a book of my journals. He wants to read them. I told him he can anytime. I might prefer if he is a little older, but I don't have any deep dark secrets I don't think..LOL Don't we all have secrets of some kind? Well anyway I am proud of my boy and my girl too she is reading very well for a first grader. I hope she likes reading as much as her big brother does. I told them tonight they have to take care of each other and Brenna said, "but I am little mommy." I said, "but one day you'll grow-up and be a big girl." She still thinks she'll be little, I said, "You mean you'll be younger than Connor and she said "yes." I told them that they will still have each other and that is what matters. I also gave them a massage tonight and it put them to sleep right away. I told them I'll do it every night that I feel good. What you do is you just put a little pressure on their back with a flat palm and man did they love it. I learned that today with my massage therapist. It works like a charm. I loved my own massage today felt so good to be relaxed LOVED IT!! I didn't make it to my chiropractor today, but plan to when I feel good to go next week. Can't wait will feel so good to get adjusted. I found a chiropractor that has been a nurse for 40 years as well so that will help with the chemo part I bet. Oh I have to say something about last night my husband did give me a kiss after work. Yeah he came and gave me a kiss and I asked him how he was and he said busy. Shoot I already have chemo brain...damn can't blame it on that yet. When it's midnight I am going to post on Facebook that I am having Chemo today. I just want a lot of support with time around so I think I am getting it too. Everyone has been so great about it, and I thank you everyone. Well I am going to close for now I wrote a novel..LOL I wish you all well! More later~ net